Dear thesedays,

Deep down, there is always this one nagging inner voice that keeps pushing me to make the decision. The amount of guilt is affecting my mental state.

You feel guilty for not being honest with her, for stringing her along while you don’t really love her the way she loves you?

I’ve been foreseeing if I happen to lose her, how devastated I will be. And I have a mixed feeling about it, somehow I feel is like more to attachment than love.

If you feel like it’s more of an attachment, it probably means that you feel she is meeting some of your needs, but there is still something missing… Would you like to answer – what do you feel is missing?

If you’re in my shoes, how do you move forward?

I cannot really tell you, at least not yet, because I know very little about your situation. Maybe we can explore things here a bit more, or you can go to counseling, so you could understand yourself better.

But what I see is that guilt is present, and self-hatred is present (I really hate myself). Also, it seems that you don’t really know yourself that well (I don’t understand myself nor who to love.) In order to understand yourself better, you would need to know what your needs are, what your values are, your goals and dreams…

The problem is, if you have been living a life of conforming to other people’s expectations, and feeling unworthy and unlovable the way you are…. then you’d need to learn how to love and value yourself first. This would be task No1: to heal those core wounds.

I don’t know how open your current girlfriend is to you digging deeper into yourself? To going on a self-discovery quest, so to speak? Would she support you in that, or she wouldn’t understand?