Dear Neera:

“I did see my mom as a victim growing up. And the more I learned about domestic violence in school, the more I wanted to free her… I would tell my mother from a very young age to become more independent. To seek professional guidance/support. To leave my dad… I would provide resources, and seek other family members for her support. But she… always says it’s because of my sister and I that she stayed“-

– she preferred to not be free of her marriage because she perceived ending her marriage and becoming independent as being much more difficult and therefore, undesirable,  than staying in the marriage. She excused her reluctance to free herself by suggesting that she was such a good mother that she sacrificed her freedom for her daughters. But she didn’t sacrifice her freedom: she didn’t want her freedom.

You, on the other hand, really want your freedom (freedom from their fights, from your mother’s arguments.. and from the anxiety and emotional turmoil that you experience as a result), don’t you?

anita