Menu

Train of thoughts

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryTrain of thoughts

New Reply
Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #386641
    Neera
    Participant

    Dear Readers,

    I have had generalized anxiety disorder since the age of 15. I am now in my mid 20s.

    I first realized I had anxiety when I would overthink everything and I started to have panic attacks. I eventually went to counselling and learned coping techniques. These techniques greatly helped me. As time passed, my anxiety seemed to be under control and I was excited about new changes in my life such as graduating from high school, starting university and entering adult life.

    However, fast forward and I am now feeling the same anxiousness I used to feel. I start overthinking and I become an emotional mess. I mostly spend nights just crying and sometimes for no apparent reason. I have a loving family and a very understanding partner. I fear that I will become a burden for my partner because I keep becoming this emotional mess. Although my partner supports me, I still feel I need to start handling my anxiety better because it is not fair to them or myself.

    I know my anxiety stems from growing up in an environment where I saw domestic abuse. I also dealt a lot with emotional abuse. Although I genuinely believe I have the most caring family, I still cannot help but relive a lot of those moments as a kid, teenager and even in my early 20s where I saw all these fights. The issue is that now when things become stressful for any reason, for example my job gets intense or I am dealing with new life changes, I start to overthink like crazy. My mind is constantly running and assuming the worst. I feel stuck. I feel helpless. I want to escape my mind and silence my thoughts but its as if my body is frozen, I do not have control.

    The coping techniques I learned do still help me but lately I feel myself overthinking and crying more than usual. I also get sensitive over the smallest of things and for some reason I cannot take criticism in a healthy way. For example, if anyone close to me tells me I need to improve on something, I take it very harshly. I do not say anything to them but in my own head I get angry at myself. It is as if I force myself to be this “perfect” person and I get mad when I am not. Again, a huge part of this has to do with how I was raised. I always had pressure to be this “perfect” daughter and overtime I beat myself over it if I do not live to those certain standards.

    My family has changed and things have gotten better (less fights) and they understand more about mental health which before was hard for them because culturally they were so unaware. I guess my real reason for seeking some answer on this form is to figure out a way that I can stop these train of thoughts from taking over my life. I want to genuinely feel less stressed. I want to let go of my past in which I saw so much abuse but my mind will not let me…..

    How can I let it all go and just learn to be at peace with where I am now?

    Thank you in advance for taking time to read my post. Any reply will mean so much to me.

    #386644
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Neera:

    I still cannot help but relive a lot of those moments as a kid, teenager and even in my early 20s where I saw all these fights… I want to let go of my past in which I saw so much abuse but my mind will not let me.. How can I let it all go and just learn to be at peace with where I am now?“-

    – to let go of a past where you saw and experienced so much domestic and emotional abuse, and to be at peace, your present-life has to be free of abuse. But the abuse is still happening in your life: “My family has changed and things have gotten better (less fights)“: less fights means that there are still fights happening currently in your life. For you to lessen your anxiety, you need to be exposed to no fights at all.

    You can’t let go of a past that is still happening.

    I have a loving family.. my anxiety stems from growing up in an environment where I saw domestic abuse. I also dealt a lot with emotional abuse. Although I genuinely believe I have the most caring family, I still cannot help but relive a lot of those moments as a kid, teenager and even in my early 20s where I saw all these fights“-

    – a child cannot benefit from familial love and care in between episodes of familial abuse. For a child to benefit, the love and care have to be  fairly consistent and dependable. Otherwise, the child will keep wondering: when is the next time a fight will break out.. when is the next time I will be emotionally abused? What do  I need to do so that it doesn’t happen? Etc.

    The issue is that now when things become stressful for any reason, for example my job gets intense or I am dealing with new life changes, I start to overthink like crazy. My mind is constantly running and assuming the worst. I feel stuck. I feel helpless. I want to escape my mind and silence my thoughts but its as if my body is frozen, I do not have control“-

    – Currently, in your mid-twenties, you are re-experiencing what you experienced as a child and onward, when fights at home broke and emotional abuse took place: overthinking like crazy, mind running and assuming the worst, feeling stuck and helpless, frozen, not having control.

    I am guessing that you are living with your family of origin?

    anita

    #386650
    Neera
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for replying!

    I notice your response to other members as well, so kind of you to take the time out of your day to help others.

    I did not realize it until you wrote it in your post that yes, perhaps because the fights still happen I feel this way. Sometimes even when my partner and I have minor disagreements, I assume the worst and my anxiety kicks in. My partner has recognized this and so we actively work together on having fewer disagreements. This has helped me calm down.

    I currently live with my partner. I moved out of my home almost a year ago. I started living with my partner 9 months ago. The issue is that I still live close to my family. I still visit nearly twice a week. Mostly because I have a younger sister and I want to spend time with her. But being at home I feel anxious and I have noticed that the days I am at home or when I return I am particularly more anxious. The problem is that I do not know when my family will have no fights at all. It has become better but I do not think it will ever disappear. I love them so much and I want to be there for my sister especially since she is still a minor. But I do not know how to have this balance. I do not know how to calm myself when the thoughts take over. And because of this, I fear it is affecting my relationship with my partner since when I am anxious I am overly sensitive and then even the smallest of things mentally affect me.

    Thank you once again.

    #386652
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Neera:

    You are welcome and thank you for your appreciation!

    Sometimes even when my partner and I have minor disagreements, I assume the worst and my anxiety kicks in“- it is very important that there will be no arguments/ no fights between you and your partner, no aggression at all. Disagreements really can be resolved with zero aggression. There are workbooks and books and online resources on how to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts without aggression. I will be glad to try and help you with any specific situation, if you’d like to share about a current or future disagreement with your partner.

    I started living with my partner 9 months ago. The issue is that I still live close to my family. I still visit nearly twice a week… But being at home I feel anxious and I have noticed that the days I am at home or when I return I am particularly more anxious. The problem is that I do not know when my family will have no fights at all“-

    – good to read that you are no longer living at home, but it is bad for your mental health to visit your home of origin as you’ve done so far, not knowing if and when the  next fight will occur. Do you think it will help if you make it very clear to everyone in your family of origin’s household that there must be no disagreements and no fights while you are vising, and explain to them why: that it harms your mental health and your relationship with your partner. (You can even reward them all with .. let’s say $100 a month if they succeed to accommodate you in this regard, if they need extra motivation)

    anita

    #386788
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Neera:

    I hope the above two posts by you are not the last I read from you; I hope to read more… how are you?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by anita.
    #386855
    TeaK
    Participant

    Dear Neera,

    I am sorry you’re feeling very anxious and sensitive, sometimes crying during the night, not being able to calm yourself down. What I believe would help you is to first have a clearer picture of your family. You say:

    I know my anxiety stems from growing up in an environment where I saw domestic abuse. I also dealt a lot with emotional abuse. Although I genuinely believe I have the most caring family,

    If you witnessed domestic abuse and were exposed to emotional abuse, then your family cannot be “the most caring family”. They might have had good intentions and didn’t know better, however damage and harm was done to you and your mental health. Your parents did that, with their abusive behavior. The first thing would be to realize that some of their behavior wasn’t loving and caring at all, and that you suffered because of it.

    That’s the first step – to basically admit that your family caused you harm, even if they didn’t intend to, and that there is a wounded inner child in you, which is still being triggered, as a result of the abuse that you’ve experienced. That would be the first step on your healing journey, I believe.

    Once you admit that, you can start working on protecting yourself (and your inner child) from further abuse, setting boundaries, etc. That would help you not to feel so helpless any more, but gradually feel more and more in control of your life and your emotional reactions.

    What do you think?

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.