Dear Anita

thank you very much

you are very insightful , If she stopped doubting her experience, she would stop reliving it in the effort of trying to figure it out.wow thats so true , i remember my dad was also angry about my mom and obviousely me , for me personally when i realized that my mom was wrong about a lot of thing in her life , i mean not only realizing but believing it , i took my power back in a very deep level , my dad was also aware of the fact that she was treating him bad because she had problems , my dad wasnt innocent of course , he could be more active in reducing damage to his children , i suppose .but that realization made both of us relieved , we did it in separate way , nobody could do it for me nor for him . i personally begin to forgive her when i see her as a HUMAN , what you said about my sister experiences is exactly true , she is not sure about herself , she thinks she s wrong , she was a bad daughter thats why my mom was mean to her but in my perspective no matter how she was or any of us were, we didnt deserve to be treated like it , its self confidence , for me its been a long way to reach to that point and i was through the darkest place to actually reach it ,but  i think its fundamental to start healing , and thats just a beginning , i believe my sister still see her mother as a perfect person and she sees herself as some worthless piece of crap who wont reach my moms standard , never ever . its sad , she is her 50 s

you know i remember in first months when mom passed i was telling myself , i should live not inly as myself but also as her too , i mean instead of her , but after i got older and begin to find myself ( im still developing, in right direction I hope) ,i was telling myself , screw her , i need to live as MYSELF , as i like im a different person with different likes and dislikes , i deserve to be happy and do what makes ME happy not anybody else , my mom had her chance , im gonna judge if she wasted her life , its not my place and i don`t wanna go to that place to analyze her life .

about my brother , i believe he doesnot even think , what happened to him was unfair , he never talked about it , i believe he totally blocked it , because it`s too painful for him.

You probably respond with neutrality, which is driving her crazy. EXACTLY  i m like ok that was your childhood but you were over 30 years far from your family , how you can be so affected by that , ive never said that to her but that i was thinking all the time , she could just cut all the ties , she didnt  need us , but that wasnt what she wanted , she wanted proves that we are all the bad guys and she is not worthless . thank you for telling it , i truly appreciate it

take care

Farnaz