Dear anita,

you blamed her, and got angry with her, for ruining your happy mood. But it is not what she said that ruined your happy mood, it is what you thought about what she said that ruined your happy mood.

She did not ruin your happy mood; what happened in your brain ruined your happy mood.

I asked you if you felt empathy for her (for feeling insecure about becoming overweight), or only disappointed, and you answered about 15 hours ago: “tbh I only feel disappointed that she didn’t say what I want her to say. Because I’ve been trying my best to make her comfortable and also prevent us from future heartbreaks. I’m not ready for another heartbreak“.

You are so FOCUSED on your own worries that you don’t have the mental space to feel empathy for her. You didn’t think something empathetic like: oh, she is worried about her weight. I know how it feels because I worry about my height and scoliosis.. I know how it feels to be insecure, I am going to tell her that I understand and that I’ll be there for her no matter thin or overweight!

But you didn’t think something like the italicized above. Instead, you angrily thought: she is ruining my mood! And she is doing this to me after ALL I have done to make her feel special..!!

= I apolgize if i didnt explain completely…well i do reassure her, that if she gains more weight i’ll still love her…. I said that we should both cherish this as we’re both grateful that we met each other….. we shouldnt waste something that we are grateful on….

But yes i also do feel disappointed, because i’ve been trying my best, thinking of ideas…. Like what should i do more to make her more comfortable and make her more convinced that i’ll do my best for her…. My head is already really tired thinking of ideas everytime i meet her….

I still couldnt tell her about my insecurities, as i feel that im not ready yet…. And right now isnt the right time…

But i did tell her that i tend to overthink and i’m a very cautious person… i’ll not do anything that’ll cause conflict or problems…. She said it’s good that i’m cautious but she tell me that sometimes i also need to have the courage to take a decision, not only being cautious and cant deciding on something….

Who is causing this much pressure for you, Eric? Who is responsible for all that pressure?

= maybe its because i havent feel safe around her yet, like there’s still a high probability that she can leave me…. That’s why i keep feeling this pressure… and i also try to avoid emotional pain and heartbreaks at all costs….

Also there’s something, i’d like ur opinion on this issue… as i’m going to meet her tomorrow…. And idk this issue might cause a problem or not…

Should i tell her that i once approach a person on social media, who is one of her sister’s close friend? Like i did try to flirt with her for 2 months through texts but i decided to stop….

I just wanna avoid if she decides to post our relationship on social media, this “close friend of her sister” might tell her sister that i used to approach her and leave… and then her sister telling this girl im dating right now… and she might ask me?

Like why did i approach her sister friend’s first instead of her? Because she used to ask me why didnt i approach her when i started to follow her on social media, as it took me a year to approach her after i follow her…. Like she might think she’s my second choice in pursuing….. (is my explanation confusing?)

Or should i just let it go… as there’s also a chance that “close friend of her sister” might not tell her sister……