Dear anita,

Thank you for your response and for trying to reassure me….

But Eric is Not a Mistake. He believes he is and he suffers for it a lot.. unnecessarily. I communicated with you for years, and I can tell you with confidence: you are not a mistake. You deserve love, appreciation and respect. You deserve to be cherished like you want to cherish her.

= Yes i do. I really do want to be cherished… I would be really grateful and blessed if that person cherish me back as much as i cherish them…. Although i might find it hard to believe….

That girl told me that she’s been waiting for a guy like me, and wants to cherish me…. I still cant believe those words, as it’s still to unreal for me…. But i will cherish and do my best for her…

I told her that she doesnt have to give me gifts, or anything like that…. I only need her to stay by my side through ups and downs ,and keep loving me is already enough… the gifts and etc are only bonuses….

Try to relax into who you really are, Eric: Not a Mistake but a human being like me, like the woman you are dating, like her father.. not less than any other person. You are not an exception to humanity, you are part of humanity.. you are a person like me.

=

Actually i start to feel better about myself than last year, im sure you notice it too…. But im still being as harsh as last year to myself if i make mistake… I feel i cant tolerate it because the mistake i made might be irreversible, and she is a gem for me…. I dont wanna let go of what i cherish…. But i also feel that i need to have a self worth too…. I care about another person, but not myself…

There are also some things that i realize after i gain some experience, at first i thought i need to list the places that i need to go with her so that she wont get bored, but the truth is… its okay to go to the same place again and again….

And i get rid of my overthinking “a bit” because i realize that overthinking is a waste of time, and after being with this girl… i feel like a day pasts very quickly…. And instead of overthinking, i should find more and more ways to improve our relationship…. I also realize that as an adult, i need to be able to overcome pressure and learn to stay calm when being in a pressure instead of dwelling…..

But still, even when i realize this… im still very easily consumed by overthinking…

Also regarding this issue maybe because what i fear that due to this mistake of mine, they could prevent me from cherishing her….

The reason i met her parents is because her sister (who’s not in our town) told her mother, that her mother should meet the guy who’s been going out with her little sister….
And that girl told me to have a dinner with her parents, so that her older sister wont tell her mother those words….

I wanna assure them that im a good guy, i want to cherish that girl, she’s precious to me…..

I assume her older sister is more judgmental than her parents…. And im going to have dinner with her family again between 18-23 december… this time with her older sister and her future husband…. So im going to meet 2 new people…. I hope this time i wont disappoint, and be able to communicate with them….

In regard to the specifics of what you shared recently: you being quiet and seeming to be shy would be a plus for many parents of young women because they don’t want loud and aggressive men to sexually take advantage of their daughters, and they feel safer knowing- or believing- that the man dating their young daughter is shy. It is similar to what she (the woman you are dating) told you: that she prefers an inexperienced guy because an experienced guy will do things to her that she doesn’t want done (I forgot the exact words she used).

= In the next family dinner with them, i hope this time i can quietly pay the bills, because i really feel that i need to do this tasks… and i also plan to invite her parents to a dinner next year… as i cant this year because im going on a holiday on christmas eve till new year….. Also because next year her older sister will go back to the capital and not on our city…. So she and her husband wont be there, because in the next family dinner with them around, i feel like i cant talk a lot…. I wanna invite her parents to a dinner so i can talk more and assure them that im serious and wanna cherish their daughter…. I hope this plan of mine will work well….
Just give me some time to adapt….

Yes you are right, she prefers an inexperience guy, because an experienced guy might take advantage of her…. But still, her mother said to her that im too quiet and i wanna improve that… yes maybe its a good thing that im shy and inexperienced, but still i also must able to communicate with her parents, and assure that her daughter is right to choose me….

Also i hope im not too early in confessing to her. That after 3 months i already meet her parents like this, in my first time experience… I confess to her that time to show that we’ve been going out because im serious for long term, not only for just a routine casual dating….
We arent officially a couple, so i’m going to confess again next time… that time it’ll be more official….