dear Anita

in what ways did you dearly pay for underestimating the role of others (who were not your family members) in your happiness or misery? by hanging out with people who were similar to my family , i couldnt count on them , they betrayed me , they mistreated me and bullied me , and i was too forgiving . in my mind this was normal , if i couldnt get along with them , that was my fault and it was according to my mom .

i havent even heard about the standards a friend should have , e,g trust worthy , having my back. , being there for me . therefore i put up with a lot of bad behaviors. strengthening my core believe that people are bad . also validating my parents view that i dont deserve to be treated well because i wasn’t good enough .

i had always connecting with people, surprise , surprise . i felt so pessimistic about them specially men and i chose subconsciously guys who were like my dad . liar , cold  hearted and selfish , confirming my inner believes that there is no good man out there , until i realized its not true and there are good people out there and i shouldn't hang out with easiest options and i definitely shouldnt tolerate bad behaviors, for a while i was confronting them and calling them out for their behavior , hoping them to change and that didnt do any good , i was giving my power to them  , till i accepted that they are who they are and i should leave if i cant deal with them . but i wasted  a lot of time trying to change them or changing myself to please them

farnaz