Hi Csihdu

It’s good to hear that you are both in therapy. Ideally, if your partner were emotionally ready to do so, that is what would happen.

However, it sounds like he has a lot of difficulty standing up to abusive behaviour. He may be afraid of rejection himself.

The reality of such situations, is that my mother chose not to have contact with both myself and my husband purely because she refused to get past her own issues.

Ceasing contact with his family is something that emotionally he might not be ready for. This is something that people have to choose for themselves.

I know it hurts that he allows and chooses to participate in this behaviour. Who knows, in time with therapy his behaviour might change.

I’m glad that otherwise your relationship with your partner is pretty good.

It might be helpful to discuss how you plan to manage celebrations because him doing everything with his family and shutting you out completely is unfair. You might want to discuss him talking about his experiences with his family if you find it upsetting.

My sister is still in contact with our mother and I have a good relationship with my sister. We have an arrangement that she does some celebrations with us and some with our mother. To make it fair. I also asked her not to discuss time spent with our mother. This makes me feel more comfortable.

Wishing you all the best 🙏