Dear Dafne,

you’re very welcome, I’m glad I could help.

Tee, what is your general idea of dating a separated man? If I happen to meet a separated/divorced man in the future, how should I go about it? Is it ok to ask him to see the final divorce papers? If yes, after how many dates to not offend him?

Hmm… good question. I think you don’t need to necessarily ask to see the divorce papers, because as you said, it might be offensive. But rather, you pay attention to his behavior. For example, if he is never available on the weekends, it’s a red flag because it might mean he is at home with his wife and kids. Similarly, if he can only meet you during working hours, and never in the evenings. If he is secretive about some aspects of his life and tends to be unavailable for days. Or if he gets mad at you for trying to reach him outside of the “designated” hours, which he approved of.

Also, if he is still living with his wife, claiming he is “planning to move out”. If he is afraid to be seen with you in public (as the last guy), etc.

In general, if you feel something is off and he seems like hiding something, or things don’t add up. All those are signs that he is leading a double life and is trying to trick you.

Also, if he seems very emotionally attached to his (soon to be ex) wife or ex girlfriend, i.e. constantly talking about how badly she behaved, how she hurt him etc. Focusing too much on his pain in a past relationship can be a sign that he is technically free, but emotionally not – that he’s still not over his ex.

And would you advice to stay friends first with any separated man and date other men meanwhile (until his divorce is finalised)?

Yes, I guess you can be friends with a separated man – provided that he is willing to get to know you as a person, go on walks with you, go for coffee/lunch with you, go for hiking or other similar activities (if that’s what you’re both interested in). In other words, if he shows interest in you as a person, and isn’t trying to get physical immediately.

I think if you are developing a relationship with one man, and he seems genuine and you like him, I personally wouldn’t go for other dates at the same time. But that’s just me and my preferences…

In your previous post you said:

I believe in friendships before any physical contact. The problem is that men that I’ve met do not want to be friends first and try to kiss me pretty soon. I always refuse the kiss in the first weeks of meeting and it always ends there.

That’s unfortunate that men don’t really want to get to know you better, and expect sex rather early on. In what circumstances do you meet those men, if I may ask? Perhaps online?