Hi John,

and yes, I am the one who tends to initiate communications. It has always been a little that way as a result of the circumstances but more so these days, which speaks volumes.

It does seem she always politely replies, but doesn’t really initiate communication of her own accord. So your “limited but frequent, and amicable contact” is mostly because you are contacting her frequently, and she replies, possibly because she doesn’t want to be rude. Nevertheless, it seems she is keeping a firm boundary, even if she is polite, and even if she agreed to meet you this time.

I think I have to accept that this time it really is all ancient history but that is something I have had to try to accept on several previous occasions, which turned out not to be the case. History has had a habit of repeating itself. I think not this time though.

Based on her behavior, and her keeping a firm boundary (i.e. being polite but not initiating contact), I’d say that she has moved on indeed. And yes, you’d need to accept it.

but it will be hard for me to stop hoping and wanting, which I know isn’t the road I should be on.

I know it will be hard, because she was an escape for you… And now that she’s not agreeing to that anymore, you’d need to choose a different road. A road to true freedom – the freedom to be who you are, to express yourself and your needs, to stand up for yourself, even if it feels very scary.

If you’d like to start exploring options for a different road, I’ll be happy to talk about it…