Hi Tom!

I can empathise with feeling taken for granted.

You sound like someone who puts a lot of effort into caring for others. It can feel quite bad when others don’t reciprocate. Especially when you are trying so hard to meet other people’s needs.

It’s okay to take a break and have some time for yourself when you need to. Self-care is one way of self-soothing. Making sure that your needs are being taken care of. If you find yourself getting stressed and you’re hungry a small snack can settle emotions. Any hobbies that you enjoy and find relaxing can be helpful too. Everyone’s needs and preferences are unique. Some people find bathing relaxing.

Have you ever heard of love languages? Some people have different preferences for how they give and receive love. Some include, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation and gift giving.

What do you think your style is? From what you’ve said, you strike me as someone who values acts of service and quality time. What do you think?

I bring this up because your loved ones may be trying to show you love and care in other ways. Learning to identify and value other peoples acts of love can be quite reassuring. Do you notice any specific ways that your family shows love?

For example, my sister might be late. But we see each other regularly and spend plenty of time together. She makes sure that I’m well fed and have plenty to drink when I visit her. She shows her care in a slightly different way. Thinking about these things would be an emotional form of self soothing.

It’s really tricky when it comes to the amount of effort put into things because some people don’t put in as much effort as others for a variety of reasons. Some people don’t see being messy as being a problem. Some might value their wellbeing as opposed to working very hard and stressing themselves out. It doesn’t necessarily mean that someone doesn’t care though or appreciate how much effort that you choose to out in.

Wishing you all the best! 🙏