Hi Adam,

I am sorry you’ve broken up with the new girl. I am sorry she went from sending you a good morning message and communicating regularly to barely texting you and not being keen to go on a date. I can imagine it made you feel ignored and hurt, and so to protect yourself, you did something rash: you removed her from your social media. And she naturally didn’t react well to that, moreover she used it to call it quits.

I guess it was a bit of an overreaction from your side, where instead of talking to her about the change in her attitude/level of interest, you kind of went “ballistic” and removed her. It was a drastic move, born out of your hurt and anger. Just like you said here:

Over the past week I really felt like I went backwards and I was very emotional over something that probably was very insignificant in the big scheme of things. It felt like I was back with my ex in a way because all I wanted to do was fight and I couldn’t handle the feeling of being ignored. So I started seeing red a bit and was probably a bit irrational.

Yeah, it was a wounded child reaction, rather than an adult reaction. A better option would have been to talk and ask her what’s going on, and tell her that you feel she’d been distant since your last date.

Am I expecting too much and being a bit selfish if I don’t get consistent communication and clarity about where we stand early on? It honestly felt like a manipulation tactic and a double standard to me, pulling away whether she meant it or not but then when I did it she got upset and I was the one begging for attention which hurt to hear

You’re not being selfish if you want consistent communication. It’s okay to want to know what’s going on if the girl has pulled away and stopped showing interest. You absolutely have the right to clarify that. What was unbalanced is the way you tried to solve the problem: by cutting her off instead of talking about what’s bothering you. Instead of being honest and telling her that it bothers you when she is ignoring your messages while you know she is online. So your “solution” was an unbalanced one, although your problem was a valid one. If you see what I mean?

This girl blamed me for basically ending it because I was the one to remove her but in my eyes I wouldn’t have done it if I was actually getting responses because I would’ve felt more content.

As I said, you were triggered, and so your solution was a little unbalanced: to cut her off without communicating first. She probably took it as bad sign for the prospect of your relationship, because it’s not a good sign when the partners can’t talk and discuss things but get offended and make rash decisions. So I can understand her strong reaction.

But also, it seems she is putting the blame for the breakup entirely on you, while the truth is that she had been pulling away recently and showing less interest. She did partially admit it though:

She admitted it wouldn’t be fair on me with her mood swings and disappearing so in the end she must have had some issues packed away if she told me this.

So it seems she is aware of her mood swings and disappearing. But instead of talking about it and explaining what’s been going on, she withdrew and started ignoring you. And then you felt hurt, it escalated from there.

After this whole drama I was stupid and actually texted my ex just out of comfort, but I’m only talking to myself, I genuinely don’t mind if she doesn’t ever reach out.

Has she replied?

I think I am starting to actually understand my type and what I want from a potential partner.

Can you write down what it is that you want from a partner? What I am guessing is that you want your partner not to ignore you but to show a similar level of interest and attachment as you’re showing – so you feel loved and appreciated. Would you say that’s true?