My ex-boyfriend and I were together for about 8 years. We lived together in several cities over a period of 6 years. We were friends before we got together, and we had tons in common. I had issues with insecurity and he had issues from being adopted at birth. I hadn’t been very happy for the last 2 years because I wasn’t doing what I wanted and he and I were both wanting to move, but because of finances and our jobs, we never had the timing right. He broke up with me suddenly, out of the blue 5 months ago. Despite trying to work things out, he moved out 2 months later. At the time he was starting to smoke marijuana frequently and had completely given up the meditation practice that he had which had helped us during our tough times. We hung out like nothing had happened, and I went on a quest to discover all the lessons that needed to be learned to be able to love myself and others more, all the while hoping we’d get back together.

Our communication became less and less until I got the idea that he must not really want to be with me, so I made plans to move and pursue my passions, effectively cutting off any chance of us being together again. He took this hard, and aside from a night where I asked him to come over so I could share my gratitude and lessons learned with him and he broke down crying and the following night when he came over saying he couldn’t sleep and was obviously having a hard time, he never wanted to talk about why we broke up or get closure. He then started seeing someone else.

Despite my positive outlook on my life and our relationship and ability to move on at one point, this piece of information broke me to pieces. Weeks before I had found out about the girlfriend, I had asked him to have a goodbye ceremony the day I left, which he agreed to. My last day before leaving, while we were cleaning out our former place of habitation I asked him if I could stay at his place after our ceremony since he was taking our cat. He said I shouldn’t – that he had plans with his girlfriend and didn’t even seem to care about the ceremony. I stayed anyway, after he decided he’d stay at a friend’s house. It was awful. The whole time I was asking for our goodbye, he did everything to avoid it, then left. He kept saying we’d see each other again and said we’d talk after I left.

I got to my new home/town and tried to go no contact and move on. He texted, asking how I was doing, and when I didn’t respond sent my some songs/videos about wanting to change and basically being devastated about losing his friend. He texted me and asked if we were still going to be friends. I responded saying that I wanted to be with him to resolve our issues together, to get to the core of our beings where understanding resides, to continue our spiritual relationship, etc. and if he didn’t then I would have to say goodbye. He ignored that email, but still sent me a text about a recipe. Yesterday, I finally confronted him via email asking him what he wanted (and why he didn’t respond to my email) and he said a friendship. I said I was confused by the previous emails and texts he sent that gave me an idea that there might be hope for a reconciliation, but needed to know that there wasn’t a chance we would be together again. He said he was sorry for misleading me and that he didn’t mean to. I said to not contact me and goodbye, which he acknowledged.

I’m suffering because he’s moved on. I imagine him happy with his new girlfriend. It kills me to think that she might have the future with him that we had planned. He’s swept his feelings under the rug with marijuana, alcohol and a new relationship. I’m suffering because we shared 8 years of our lives together and never got any closure. He never wanted to discuss anything. To give me what I needed, yet he thought we could be friends. He just wanted out. And now I’m the one lonely and confused. I don’t know if his issues with adoption have anything to do with this. I’m having an especially hard time knowing his new girlfriend was also adopted. Like he’s found a new soul mate to replace me. Someone who can understand him better even though I spent 8 years trying to understand him, show him compassion and help him. How can someone just drop that relationship so easily?