Dear Stacy:

“Considering how much we talked about wanting to have our own spaces. We even joked about getting excited over buying our own dish cloths someday”- you talked and joked but didn’t do anything, ex., you didn’t buy dish cloths.

“I’ve been crying so much again over him lately”- crying over a lot of talking that felt good. I am mentioning the difference between talk and action in the hope that it will hurt you less if you see that what you lost was.. talk and how good that talk felt. But practically, your life post breakup is the same as it was pre-breakup.

“I think I am going to just have to accept that the pain is here to stay until further notice. That’s all I can do, just let myself hurt without making myself feel bad about it, no matter what anyone else has to say about my process“- excellent resolution! Accepting hurt (and other feelings) instead of feeling badly about.. feeling them, lessens the hurt. You should not have others’ judgment about your hurt be added to your pain.

Above and in earlier posts, I repeated the Talk vs Action Factor, hoping that it will lessen your hurt, but I didn’t yet succeed, and that’s okay. Instead of repeating this factor again, I let it go, and I accept that you feel the hurt you feel for your reasons, and that you are entitled to hurt about the breakup for as long as you do and at the intensity that you do.

“I just hope something eventually clicks for me and the pain will lessen someday“- I copied, pasted and read this part after writing the above (this is how I answer posts, copying, pasting, reading & replying before I copy, paste, etc., the next part). So, when you wrote in this part that you hope “something eventually clicks“, I thought about me repeating the factor above, which did not click, and that’s okay.

“Letting myself just imagine not crying over him and hurting so much constantly would be a win for me. And like you said, proving to myself that my life has value to keep going“- I hope that this happens for you… but (in accordance with the Acceptance Factor (accepting feelings as they are), I will not pressure you in any way to feel any differently than you do and for as long as you do.

“I got a car update today. The repair bill stands at $700 so far… Also, a few months ago I noticed a small pea-sized like ‘ball’ in the right side of my neck… now it’s at least twice that size as I just noticed it again today at work…. and have an appointment scheduled for December – the earliest they could see me. My consultation alone is going to be $220. It’s impossible to save money like this“-

– the cost of health care in the US, for way too many people, including myself, is horrendous, and there is shortage of medical staff, the reason for late scheduling. I hope that you keep your stress level as low as possible and that you are physically okay.

anita