Dear Caroline:

* I will be sending you a series of shorter posts instead of one long post because my keyboard does not allow me to copy. I normally copy a post before submitting it, so to not lose it if submission fails. So, here, I will send shorter posts so to not lose too much at any one submission.

I went back to our Sept-Nov 2022 communication so to connect to what you shared yesterday. As I re-read our communication I am getting the feel of the Freeze Response that we talked about, which we both had in common as children growing up, and as adults (an experience that has improved a lot for me in recent years).

Growing up within a hostile family (emotionally hostile, if not physically), we don’t really grow up but in, we grow inward. We don’t develop emotional and social skills because we freeze as children. We freeze until such time that it is safe to thaw and resume our development. But since it never gets to be safe, we enter adulthoods frozen, lacking emotional and social skills that are required for the leading of functional, satisfying adult lives.

The emotional skills I am referring to are such as recognizing what you are feeling, being able to label your emotions (instead of drowning in endless overthinking and confusion), and once you label an emotion, understanding the message behind the emotion. For example: I am angry because I feel hurt. I feel hurt because this has happened and this is how I interpreted it. You then examine your interpretation, determine whether your interpretation is rational, and if it is, you then think about how best to respond to what happened.

The social skills I am referring to are in the responding: in what you actually say or do, and how you do it. Assertiveness and Problem Solving are must-have social skill.

anita