Dear Seaturtle:

Thank you for the warning. I doubt that your rant will bring me down, but we’ll see (I am reading and replying to one part before reading the next)

“no complications, I am resting and healing” this and the funny face emoji are bringing me up, at this point.

“My time in the hospital was a little traumatizing… I had my first of many panic attacks, just tried to control my breathe but couldn’t stop tears. 24 hrs. no food and blood being drawn from someone who didn’t seem to know what she was doing, I felt exposed and alone, the other nurse was kinder and attempted to comfort me (the only comforting nurse I would see my whole visit). They did not tell me they were administering me the anesthesia…  I was jarred awake form the anesthesia by loud noises around me, I was in the hallway for 2 hours as my post-surgery room was not ready. By the time I made it to my room I was awake, feeling the pain and pressing my call button as instructed, for pain medicine, my nurse kept saying she was on her way and it took 1 1/2 hrs. for someone to get to me with the pain medication, at that point I was crying of the pain and the nurse just had this very smug face. She was smiling…which I thought was so weird cause I was crying and she told me ‘you don’t have to cry, stop crying ok?’ this made me feel worse, I felt she had no empathy…“- wow! Poor medical care, makes me think it’s to a large extent a result of overcrowded hospitals and the severe shortage of nurses in the U.S., which leads to unskilled nurses working, as well as all nurses being overworked and not afraid to lose their jobs because there’s this shortage.. so, poor quality care for poor Seaturtle.

Happy belated birthday to Seaturtle’s roommate!

“My morning began with my brother in a manic state, texting me that he wanted to text N!… Within 24hrs I had a surgery and 3 family members cause me un-needed pain, my dad calling me self absorbed, my brother sympathizing with my emotional abuser, and my grandma being completely emotion-less (typical of her). Then I told my mom about my dad saying I was self absorbed and she thought this was the right timing to bring up a time when she thought I was“- this makes me think fondly of a saying I came up with.. all by myself (proud of it): sometimes (often, really) Family is just another F word.

“Personally, I have always admired people who were able to go take moments to themselves, be independent and present. So to me, I want to be that way, I like that about myself. I used to be such a people pleaser and I don’t want to live my life for other people“- I support you in this, absolutely!

“I just feel like I am misunderstood, but that worries me that something is wrong with how I am doing things when so many people are saying the same thing“- by “so many people”, you mean your family members? If so, consider that families are quickly to label individuals within as this or that, and the label persists within the family, and so, individuals are discouraged from growing and becoming more than a label.

“To me, I need to love me to love others, and keep my crown chakra open. I think the people in my family don’t love themselves, they are judgmental and self righteous”- like I said, Family is … (I would have inserted an emoji here if I knew how)

“Seaturtle who wants to hide in her shell“- she is too magnificent to hide in her shell for long!

To your next post: pick up your things from N when the time is right for you, your things, your ex, your timing.

“He (F) is very skilled at this, which is why for so long I thought I was wrong, because he ‘sounded’ so fair. He would call himself ‘fair’ too, he calls himself ‘easy to approach and reason with,’ but we all know it is not true“- he has a very skillful Public Relations agent working for him (himself), skillfully misrepresenting him.

“I want to be able to spot his adjustments, and with an open third eye I will continue to. Even his last message, to agree to disagree, I rolled my eyes to myself, but just let the conversation end there, so that right there was an ‘adjustment,’ that I spotted“- good job spotting! He exits conflicts on equal ground (lets agree to disagree) when he fails to exit on superior ground (I am right, you are wrong!).. but never humbly, as in saying: you are right, Seaturtle. I was wrong… unless his PR agent thinks it will serve him well to fake the latter approach, is what I am thinking.

“Something I am curious about, so on his birthday last week I texted him happy birthday, and that I was thankful to have an entrepreneurial dad to watch, it gave me confidence that one day I can start my own thing and don’t necessarily need to work for someone. His response was very love-bomby at 8pm, so possibly very intoxicated he responded: ‘I’m soooo proud of you… now and forever (another kissing emoji)’ He wasn’t like this before, when I lived with him, this love bombing is a new thing and I wonder why? Curious Seaturtle“-

– I guess he was very flattered by what you said and rewarded you for flattering him (this is in line with his PR agent’s policy). Do you mean that when you lived with him, you used to flatter him but he did not respond similarly to the above?

By the way, your posts did not bring me down because I know that even when you are going through a difficult time, you are resourceful and your 3rd eye chakra is open. Notice this: the Seaturtle who wanted to hide in her shell in the closing of your first post today, was out of her shell, curious to see/ learn new things only 18 minutes later, closing your second post with Curious Seaturle!

anita