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Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships

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  • #427535
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning Seaturtle and hatch:

    A calm parent, with an open mind. Someone who asked me questions about myself, and genuinely wanted to know me, as opposed to use what they knew to manipulate me“- be this parent toward yourself: hatch had to hide from a real-life parent who used what he knew about her/ what he saw- against her. She needs to find that which she hid from that manipulative parent .. because hiding for so long, she forgot what it is that she is hiding. She needs you to be an honest, trustworthy parent to SEE her and not use what you see against her.

    Someone with grandma-like warm hugs, who I could trust to still be there, when I turned my head. A grandma who moved slowly, and spoke soft“- be this parent to hatch, interact with her warmly, empathetically, softly, patiently, no matter what. Be on her side, for her, always.

    A Dad who was curious to watch me grow, rather than afraid of it. Who responded with interest rather than concern“- be curious to watch hatch uncover what she’s been hiding, be prepared to be joyfully surprised by what you uncover and discover.

    Both of these parents consistently treating each other softly. More predictability“- be a very consistent and predictable soft parent to hatch.

    Either of them asking me what I wanted“- ask hatch what she wants, ask her softly. Listen to simple words that a child would say. If she can’t choose words, give her color pencils or paint to draw for you what it is that she wants.

    A mom with advice on how to make friends. A strong confident woman who had self control, who knew what she liked and knew how to get it“- to be a consistent, predictable parent to hatch, you’d have to practice self-control, and you’d have to rely and be confident with your own understanding of people and situations.

    A compassionate father, who wanted me to be me. Who wanted to know my friends and be involved“- this is what hatch wants from Seaturtle, she says: I want to be me! I want you to help me be me! Be with me.. and help me!

    An affectionate dad, with the  empathy to see when I was hurting. And certainly never try to cause hurt, and if by accident genuinely apologized“- You will make mistakes with hatch. Apologize to her when you do. Tell her what you learned from your mistakes and how you intend to act differently in the future, in a similar situation.. then show her that you learned your lesson. This is how she will trust you.

    A dad who let me win board games and told me I was awesome. A mom who could help my dad see me. Loving parents, towards each other“- tell hatch she is awesome, help people see you (but don’t pressure them, don’t demand), be loving toward people in your life.

    Reason behind the word ‘no.’ Being treated like I was capable of understanding and maturity“- you will need to say No to hatch from time to time. Explain to her the reason behind your no’s.

    A dad asking me how I felt, and after I responded, saying it was valid. A loyal and honest mom, calm and decisive. Her only priorities being her family and herself. A dad who thought I was cool, funny, and strong. And a mom who was those things“- may hatch be your first priority, and may hatch be… hatch, funny or not (whether people think she is funny, cool, strong, or not).

    anita

    #427536
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    I submitted the above before I became aware of your 2nd post:

    By great, I mean I want to add to the world. I am afraid I will not make my ideas come to life, and if I do they will maybe not be seen by others, and if it is not seen then how does it make a change in the world“-you made a positive change in my world, and I am part of.. the world. Maybe you made a positive change in people reading your thread.. that’s more of the world into which you added.

    “I gave up the desire for popularity when I realized I did not want the attention of those who couldn’t see me when I was being my natural self“- ask hatch sometime if she gave up her desire for popularity. (The part I boldfaced reads like something Seaturtle would say, using rationale to overlook what hatch is really feeling.

    Part of me has a desire for people like F and N, to see that I am ‘cool, funny, and strong’ (from my post above). They told me I wasn’t those things, more so F, and there’s a part of me that wants them to see that I am“-part of you.. hatch has a desire to be thought of as cool, funny and strong. Notice how I ended the above post before reading your recent post: “May hatch be… hatch, funny or not (whether people think she is funny, cool, strong, or not)“.

    As I read n, I realized that I will have to reply further later, maybe not before Sun.

    Have a good rest of Sat, Seaturtle!

    anita

    #427552
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    I was not seen in so many ways throughout my entire upbringing, I feel like those couple years with him were the tip of the iceberg“- that’s a lot of UNSEEN time.

    My little sister, the youngest, A… She said she doesn’t understand who my dad can think their relationship (between A and F) is so great, yet it is so ‘superficial.’… She said ‘sometimes I feel like I need to be physically hurt for him to see me.’ this very strongly reminded me of when I attempted self harm, at her exact age“- their relationship involves superficial seeing, seeing only the surface of things. So, she felt like hurting her body so that he’d see deeper into her.

    I told her ‘there is nothing you can do to make him see you, he may tend to you while you are hurt but he will leave again once you are better and in the end you will only have a mark on yourself.’ I am so happy I answered her call”- and I am happy too that you answered her call and told her what you did, good job, Seaturtle!

    A is very aware for her age I am impressed all the time!… A and I both spoke about how our parents are both asleep and we are awake“- awake, keep your eyes open and see the people in your life as they are and… see you as you are, to put what I see when I think of you in one word, it is Awesome!

    anita

    #427555
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Good Sunday Morning Anita,

    “She (hatch) needs to find that which she hid from that manipulative parent .. because hiding for so long, she forgot what it is that she is hiding. She needs you to be an honest, trustworthy parent to SEE her and not use what you see against her.”

    Do you think there are still things hatch is hiding that I do not know about at all? If so that is exciting news 🙂

    The past 2 months, every time I miss N, I go over all the reasons why I did what I did, and I do get to a settled place. I have yet to have a good cry to myself, since the breakup. I cried several times over the summer, as I heard the voice to leave the relationship, I would temporarily know it would eventually end, so I would cry. Then I would try to figure out, “but why does it have to end?” Hence my title “my mind hasn’t rested in 8 months,” 8 months of that thought pattern. So it makes sense I have not cried a ton since the breakup, because I cried over the breakup many times already, in the relationship. However, this morning, I sat down, a little over an hour ago now, and my intention was to open my third eye, have my crown chakra vibrating, and come to this forum. But as I was meditating, to open my third eye, I suddenly felt very sad, I miss N. I do not miss him in the way that I want to go back to the relationship, he is not my person I know this. However, as I have mentioned, he was an upgrade, meaning there were good times, good times I miss with a friend (not good times I miss as a partner). I realized this morning, that every time I have missed N, I immediately remind myself of all the reasons why I ended it, and this does serve me well, but in that process I am also not allowing myself to miss him. Hatch misses him, and I have had to tell her she doesn’t, in order to not feel the heartache, that is there. I allowed myself to miss him, I paused my intention to come here to respond, I grabbed a blanket I am crocheting and I just started to let thoughts flow and crochet. I just taught myself how, and have been doing so with tv at night, but this morning it was nice to do in silence, well with some no-words meditative music. I don’t want to make hatch hide that she misses N, but I also cannot sit in that for too long or it can start to cloud my judgement and decisions.

    “may hatch be your first priority, and may hatch be… hatch”

    Is hatch the essence of my personality?

    “you made a positive change in my world, and I am part of.. the world.”

    This makes me very happy 🙂

    Maybe you made a positive change in people reading your thread.. that’s more of the world into which you added.”

    I wonder! I would love to know if anyones related to me here.

     “ask hatch sometime if she gave up her desire for popularity.”

    If it was genuine popularity, popularity for being genuine then yes, but I think my faith is shaken for that to be possible. When I have met people that others consider popular, I have yet to meet someone very authentic. If authenticity and popularity could coincide, then I suppose that would feel good, the opposite of lonely.

    “As I read n, I realized that I will have to reply further later, maybe not before Sun.”

    I am curious, was this a typo or did you mean as you read about N, you realized you would have to respond later? Does he make you feel low?

    “to put what I see when I think of you in one word, it is Awesome!”

    Thank you Anita <3

    Seaturtle

    #427557
    anita
    Participant

    Good Sunday afternoon, Seaturtle:

    You are welcome and thank you for being awesome!

    As I read n“- was a typo, I meant, As In read on (I don’t bring up N anymore and will talk about him only if you bring him up).

    Do you think there are still things hatch is hiding that I do not know about at all? If so, that is exciting news (excited face emoji)– I am sure that there are still things to uncover and discover about hatch (equally excited face emoji)

    The past 2 months, every time I miss N, I go over all the reasons why I did what I did, and I do get to a settled place… it makes sense I have not cried a ton since the breakup, because I cried over the breakup many times already, in the relationship“- imagine a lifetime of crying within the relationship.

    However, this morning, I sat down, a little over an hour ago now, and my intention was to open my third eye, have my crown chakra vibrating, and come to this forum. But as I was meditating, to open my third eye, I suddenly felt very sad, I miss N… there were good times, good times I miss with a friend (not good times I miss as a partner) … sic. I don’t want to make hatch hide that she misses N, but I also cannot sit in that for too long or it can start to cloud my judgement and decisions“- this is a very mature Seaturtle (hatch’s ideal parent): uncovering hatch’s sadness and her missing N as a friend, acknowledging and respecting hatch’s feelings, and setting healthy limits for hatch, for her own well-being.

    Is hatch the essence of my personality?“- hatch is the pre-personality part of you; she is who you were (and still are) before you adjusted (mostly) to your parents.

    I wonder! I would love to know if anyone’s related to me here“- there are people who read the forums and never post, silent readers.

    If authenticity and popularity could coincide, then I suppose that would feel good, the opposite of lonely“- I understand, yes, this is why you didn’t like my idea of you being an influencer, being that many are not authentic.  Authenticity is very important to you… and to me.

    anita

    #427637
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I feel the reason I have yet to find myself consistent here is because my third eye has been blurry. I also do not want to be repetitive, because I know why I ended it, I don’t regret ending it, so these other thoughts I am having seem irrelevant, but in the last three days I have felt them deeper and I am not sure why with the timing. It does not help that I dream of N every night. The dreams change, but the last two nights in a row in the dream, I have an opportunity to go back to the way it was, and my dream self wants to. As if my dream self, third eye closed, thinks that suffering through the bad parts of the relationship are worth getting the good parts back in my life. I miss the smallest things like kissing his cheeks and scratching his head, I miss taking care of him… I feel stupid for saying these things, and I know you don’t think I am, but I do. I feel like the things I miss are little things that are very common in relationships, so that does help, I am not missing things that were just N, so they will be in my life again, but right now I want them and they feel far away.

    I can sense myself at a crossroads of wanting to watch sad/ romantic movies and have wine versus doing the healthier thing and no wine and waking up to go to a hot yoga class tomorrow. Tomorrow I have my pre-operation for my surgery. Which by the way, I got an mri and apparently it didn’t reveal any clarity to my surgeon and she needs me to instead see an oncologist just in case it is cancerous. The surgery is suppose to be friday, but it has changed several times, so we will see. I have had it set in my mind I want to get this medical stress taken care of first, and next is to get my passport from N. I have thought about sending someone to get it for me, but there is a bigger part of me that wants to see him. I don’t know what it will feel like, I am not sure why I want to but I just feel like it is my only opportunity to do so, once I get my stuff I no longer have any reason to contact him. I have also played the moment in my head so many times I just want to end that image my making it real.

    Seaturtle

    #427638
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    “The dreams change, but the last two nights in a row in the dream, I have an opportunity to go back to the way it was, and my dream self wants to. As if my dream self, third eye closed, thinks that suffering through the bad parts of the relationship are worth getting the good parts back in my life. I miss the smallest things like kissing his cheeks..”-

    – there is a saying, “the heart wants what the heart wants“. In other words, your heart chakra wants N back. It’s not the job of the heart chakra to see the suffering through the bad parts of the relationship, it’s the 3rd eye chakra’s job. When you’re asleep… all your eyes are closed, and the heart and sacral chakras have their say. All chakras’ input are valid, but the crown chakra has to do a good job putting all the input together into an accurate bigger picture.

    Tomorrow I have my pre-operation for my surgery… The surgery is supposed to be Friday“- I am looking forward to read, I hope, that there are no complications and that the surgery was successful.

    Next is to get my passport from N. I have thought about sending someone to get it for me, but there is a bigger part of me that wants to see him“- it may turn out to be a good idea to see him in-person. Who knows, maybe he will arrange to have your stuff outside his home right before you pick it up, and not see you… so to hurt your feelings.

    anita

    #427704
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    I wonder how you’re doing, it being Friday afternoon… post-surgery?

    anita

    #427716
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Hi Anita 🙂

    I just got home from the hospital. I stayed over night, the surgery took longer than predicted and had to make two more incisions, so 5 total. I’m very sore, but good news is it was not cancerous and he preserved my ovary!!! I am so happy about that and that I made the right decision to wait.

    The past month my mom and grandma have been asking me about my surgery and so I’ve given them updates, but my dad never sent one message. Last night he tried to blame me that he didn’t know the details. Probably my mom told him. The messages are long and maybe I will share more tomorrow morning when I have more energy after I get some sleep (got about 3 hours last night). I held my ground, third eye open and said he never reached out to me, he called me self absorbed for thinking he would text me…he brought up the copay he paid for and said he felt unappreciated. What a throw back to housecleanings! But I trusted hatch and showed her last night that this was not true. I am proud of how I responded, he evaded responsibility in every single way. By the end he said “let’s agree to disagree” and I just felt like it was pointless to continue the argument, and preferred peace, I did my best and he didn’t understand.

    What was an interesting revelation for me however, was remember when we spoke about N preferring me to be weak? How he was attracted to me being weak but then resulted in him not respecting me when I was “weak.” Well last night after holding my ground with several messages in return, I had a different result than before, “house cleaning” typically ended with me crying and feeling I was at fault. Last night I didn’t give in and his last message was quite interesting, he said:

    “OK well I’m tired too. Know that I love you and we disagree about this and that’s OK. I’m going to write part of this off as you and me being very similar 😂I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me and i know you know the same about me.
    I think we can both do a little better job of communicating with each other in general.
    Get some rest 😘.”

    I just had a revelation in that moment how similar he and N are. If I don’t eventually fall for the manipulation and take the fault, the next best thing they do is basically call it a fair match, yet still 0 responsibility. All his excuses reminded me of N.

    Healing seaturtle

    #427721
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle: I was focused enough to understand that the surgery went well, no cancer identified.. good thing! I’ll read and reply further Sun morning, good night, Healing Seaturtle!

    anita

    #427730
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Healing Seaturtle:

    Overnight stay at the hospital (3 hours sleep), five incisions, sore and one ovary preserved-  – Less sore and rested this morning, I hope..???

    I am so happy about that and that I made the right decision to wait“- the saying goes, good things happen to those who wait. In yes magazine. org/ the science behind why good things really do happen to people who wait, the writer includes studies and surveys that indicate that patience (patiently waiting instead of impulsively reacting) is good for our physical and mental health, and it leads to long-term success in achieving our goals. (“The road to achievement is a long one, and those without patience—who want to see results immediately—may not be willing to walk it…”).

    The past month my mom and grandma have been asking me about my surgery and so I’ve given them updates, but my dad never sent one message. Last night he tried to blame me that he didn’t know the details…The messages are long… he called me self absorbed for thinking he would text me. He brought up the copay he paid for and said he felt unappreciated. What a throw back to housecleaning’s!.. By the end he said ‘let’s agree to disagree’“-

    – for crying out loud, what a self-absorbed, unempathetic person! While you were at the hospital, before or after surgery, he sent you LONG, argumentative messages and tried to guilt trip you (instead of a short I love you message or two)! I don’t remember you giving an example more indicative of what you referred to in the past as his narcissism. His concern was not your health but for.. his feelings. He wanted his argument to Win.. and yours (while heading or recovering from a surgery) to Lose.

    I held my ground, third eye open… I trusted hatch and showed her last night that this was not true. I am proud of how I responded, he evaded responsibility in every single way… I did my best and he didn’t understand“- good job at trusting hatch, and holding your ground with an open third eye! He did not understand because his 3rd eye is closed.

    “What was an interesting revelation for me however, was remember when we spoke about N preferring me to be weak? How he was attracted to me being weak but then resulted in him not respecting me when I was ‘weak.’ Well last night after holding my ground with several messages in return, I had a different result than before, ‘house cleaning’ typically ended with me crying and feeling I was at fault. Last night I didn’t give in and his last message was quite interesting, he said: ‘OK well I’m tired too. Know that I love you and we disagree about this and that’s OK. I’m going to write part of this off as you and me being very similar (a screaming/ crying emoji). I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me and I know you know the same about me. I think we can both do a little better job of communicating with each other in general. Get some rest’“- it is amazing how he makes himself SOUND oh so mature and fair a MOMENT after he expressed acute self-absorption and self-centeredness. He knows how to say all the right things after saying.. all the wrong things..  and before saying all the wrong things yet again (in the future) because the right-things were only a presentation, not the real deal.

    F did not and will not open his 3rd eye and get his crown chakra to do some heavy-duty work because you stood your ground and displayed strength. Like a spider and other highly instinctive animals, he will adjust to your new behavior, that’s all. I don’t think that he can see anyone but himself.. well, he can’t see anyone on the other side of his (triggered) hurt/ unappreciated feelings.

    He is similar to N, they both often enough said all the right things.. verbal presentations that make then appear like good, stand up men (“my partner is a stand up man, no question“, Oct 6, 2023). You did question this though, it for a long, long time, because your gut was telling you that N’s positive-sounding verbal presentations were just that- verbal presentations that did not present the true combo of his motivations, feelings, and understandings.

    I just had a revelation in that moment how similar he and N are. If I don’t eventually fall for the manipulation and take the fault, the next best thing they do is basically call it a fair match, yet still 0 responsibility. All his excuses reminded me of N. Healing seaturtle“- healing indeed and in more than one way!

    anita

    #427737
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    I hope that you are not experiencing any post surgery complications…. how are you?

    anita

    #427756
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Before you read this, warning it is a bit of a negative rant, so be sure it doesn’t bring you down, it is just how I have felt the past three days. Also no complications, I am resting and healing 🙂

    “Overnight stay at the hospital (3 hours sleep), five incisions, sore and one ovary preserved-  – Less sore and rested this morning, I hope..???”

    I would say the soreness levels haven’t changed very much, but thankfully I have been getting good sleep as this healing process is making me very sleepy. Today is my roommates birthday and yesterday she wanted to watch the superbowl, I wanted to be a good friend for her and be present with her despite wanting to go to my bed. Thankfully she was good with the compromise to spend the day on the couch!

    My time in the hospital was a little traumatizing, a few things went hectic and lead to me overall feeling very alone and not understood.. I am seeing my pattern of feeling this way especially when I am hurt or sick. Before surgery the nurse had to draw quite a bit of blood and she did so in a place that I have never had blood drawn..she chose a place near my hand where blood came out very slowly so I was there for a long time as she squeezed my arm and it was miserable, then it was’t enough blood so she had to go to another place on the same arm! at this moment I had my first of many panic attacks, just tried to control my breathe but couldn’t stop tears. 24 hrs no food and blood being drawn from someone who didn’t seem to know what she was doing, I felt exposed and alone, the other nurse was kinder and attempted to comfort me (the only comforting nurse I would see my whole visit). They did not tell me they were administering me the anaethesia, I signed papers but had no warning one minute I just got dizzy, then I woke up in the hallway post-surgery, I was jarred awake form the anaethesia by loud noises around me, I was in the hallway for 2 hours as my post-surgery room was not ready. By the time I made it to my room I was awake, feeling the pain and pressing my call button as instructed, for pain medicine, my nurse kept saying she was on her way and it took 1 1/2 hrs for someone to get to me with the pain medication, at that point I was crying of the pain and the nurse just had this very smug face. She was smiling…which I thought was so weird cause I was crying and she told me “you don’t have to cry, stop crying ok?” this made me feel worse, I felt she had no empathy. The rest of my visit was like this, I was alone and this woman came when I called and was not delicate with me, instead of going around my bed to administer the pain she reached over and was pulling on the tube connected to my arm. Finally I left and it was over.

    Once I was home it was so nice to rest saturday. Sunday I felt obligated to be out in the living room for my roommates birthday and some friends here, and my rommate made several comments about going out and I kept saying I could absolutely not, then my other friend said “what if you just sat down where we went?” They expected me to get dressed, go out with them and sit down awkwardly? I just wanted my mom yesterday. Not to mention my morning began with my brother in a manic state, texting me that he wanted to text N! starting the day calling my grandma to please take his phone my grandma said she didn’t see the problem with him texting N!!! Insane. Within 24hrs I had a surgery and 3 family members cause me un-needed pain, my dad calling me self absorbed, my brother sympathizing with my emotional abuser, and my grandma being completely emotion-less (typical of her). Then I told my mom about my dad saying I was self absorbed and she thought this was the right timing to bring up a time when she thought I was… Honestly I just felt attacked all morning. She brought up when I went to Hawaii with my mom and sisters, and we took a scenic drive, we had to stop to use the restroom and after I did I noticed a waterfall under this beautiful bridge, and decided to go take a minute to myself. I was gone for 15, maybe 20 minutes. When I came back my sisters were on the bridge and told me how selfish I was for going off on my own. my mom agreed. In the future I would tell them before taking a moment to myself and even this bothered them still but they were more accepting.

    Personally, I have always admired people who were able to go take moments to themselves, be independent and present. So to me, I want to be that way, I like that about myself. I used to be such a people pleaser and I don’t want to live my life for other people, I have to live with myself at the end of the day. Also, I am there when it counts. I flew home for graduations, dance performances, I am there for people in ways that others aren’t. I just feel like I am misunderstood, but that worries me that something is wrong with how I am doing things when so many people are saying the same thing. To me, I need to love me to love others, and keep my crown chakra open. I think the people in my family don’t love themselves, they are judgemental and self righteous. I just feel I am going to keep having moments to myself, and just have to deal with them being annoyed I am not to everyones beck and call like I used to be.

    Seaturtle who wants to hide in her shell

    #427758
    seaturtle
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    “…patience (patiently waiting instead of impulsively reacting) is good for our physical and mental health,”

    Validating because this is also what I have been doing with getting my things from N, despite my mom and roommate telling me to just get it over with right away or that I should have done it earlier. Honestly as I asked myself when the right time was, I heard two little pieces of advice, to wait for after my surgery was over, also I had a sense it would be in March, and this was back in January that I felt this.

     

    “His concern was not your health but for.. his feelings. He wanted his argument to Win.. and yours (while heading or recovering from a surgery) to Lose.”

    Exactly how it felt.

    “it is amazing how he makes himself SOUND oh so mature and fair a MOMENT after he expressed acute self-absorption and self-centeredness. “

    He is very skilled at this, which is why for so long I thought I was wrong, because he “sounded” so fair. He would call himself “fair” too, he calls himself “easy to approach and reason with,” but we all know it is not true. The only way it is true is if you get on your hands and knees and grovel, metaphorically speaking. You do the dance with him, tell him how much you appreciate him, and make him feel like he is oh so fair and you are just thankful that he is using his time to make a deal with you.

    “Like a spider and other highly instinctive animals, he will adjust to your new behavior, that’s all. I don’t think that he can see anyone but himself.. well, he can’t see anyone on the other side of his (triggered) hurt/ unappreciated feelings.”

    I want to be able to spot his adjustments, and with an open third eye I will continue to. Even his last message, to agree to disagree, I rolled my eyes to myself, but just let the conversation end there, so that right there was an “adjustment,” that I spotted.

    Something I am curious about, so on his birthday last week I texted him happy birthday, and that I was thankful to have an entrepreneurial dad to watch, it gave me confidence that one day I can start my own thing and don’t necessarily need to work for someone. his response was very love-bomby at 8pm, so possibly very intoxicated he responded:

    I’m soooo proud of you (I talk you u pall the time). Thank you for the kind words. I’m always there for you (two kissing emojies) now and forever (another kissing emoji)

    He wasn’t like this before, when I lived with him, this love bombing is a new thing and I wonder why?

    Curious Seaturtle

    #427759
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Seaturtle:

    Thank you for the warning. I doubt that your rant will bring me down, but we’ll see (I am reading and replying to one part before reading the next)

    no complications, I am resting and healing” this and the funny face emoji are bringing me up, at this point.

    My time in the hospital was a little traumatizing… I had my first of many panic attacks, just tried to control my breathe but couldn’t stop tears. 24 hrs. no food and blood being drawn from someone who didn’t seem to know what she was doing, I felt exposed and alone, the other nurse was kinder and attempted to comfort me (the only comforting nurse I would see my whole visit). They did not tell me they were administering me the anesthesia…  I was jarred awake form the anesthesia by loud noises around me, I was in the hallway for 2 hours as my post-surgery room was not ready. By the time I made it to my room I was awake, feeling the pain and pressing my call button as instructed, for pain medicine, my nurse kept saying she was on her way and it took 1 1/2 hrs. for someone to get to me with the pain medication, at that point I was crying of the pain and the nurse just had this very smug face. She was smiling…which I thought was so weird cause I was crying and she told me ‘you don’t have to cry, stop crying ok?’ this made me feel worse, I felt she had no empathy…“- wow! Poor medical care, makes me think it’s to a large extent a result of overcrowded hospitals and the severe shortage of nurses in the U.S., which leads to unskilled nurses working, as well as all nurses being overworked and not afraid to lose their jobs because there’s this shortage.. so, poor quality care for poor Seaturtle.

    Happy belated birthday to Seaturtle’s roommate!

    My morning began with my brother in a manic state, texting me that he wanted to text N!… Within 24hrs I had a surgery and 3 family members cause me un-needed pain, my dad calling me self absorbed, my brother sympathizing with my emotional abuser, and my grandma being completely emotion-less (typical of her). Then I told my mom about my dad saying I was self absorbed and she thought this was the right timing to bring up a time when she thought I was“- this makes me think fondly of a saying I came up with.. all by myself (proud of it): sometimes (often, really) Family is just another F word.

    Personally, I have always admired people who were able to go take moments to themselves, be independent and present. So to me, I want to be that way, I like that about myself. I used to be such a people pleaser and I don’t want to live my life for other people“- I support you in this, absolutely!

    I just feel like I am misunderstood, but that worries me that something is wrong with how I am doing things when so many people are saying the same thing“- by “so many people”, you mean your family members? If so, consider that families are quickly to label individuals within as this or that, and the label persists within the family, and so, individuals are discouraged from growing and becoming more than a label.

    “To me, I need to love me to love others, and keep my crown chakra open. I think the people in my family don’t love themselves, they are judgmental and self righteous”- like I said, Family is … (I would have inserted an emoji here if I knew how)

    Seaturtle who wants to hide in her shell“- she is too magnificent to hide in her shell for long!

    To your next post: pick up your things from N when the time is right for you, your things, your ex, your timing.

    He (F) is very skilled at this, which is why for so long I thought I was wrong, because he ‘sounded’ so fair. He would call himself ‘fair’ too, he calls himself ‘easy to approach and reason with,’ but we all know it is not true“- he has a very skillful Public Relations agent working for him (himself), skillfully misrepresenting him.

    I want to be able to spot his adjustments, and with an open third eye I will continue to. Even his last message, to agree to disagree, I rolled my eyes to myself, but just let the conversation end there, so that right there was an ‘adjustment,’ that I spotted“- good job spotting! He exits conflicts on equal ground (lets agree to disagree) when he fails to exit on superior ground (I am right, you are wrong!).. but never humbly, as in saying: you are right, Seaturtle. I was wrong… unless his PR agent thinks it will serve him well to fake the latter approach, is what I am thinking.

    Something I am curious about, so on his birthday last week I texted him happy birthday, and that I was thankful to have an entrepreneurial dad to watch, it gave me confidence that one day I can start my own thing and don’t necessarily need to work for someone. His response was very love-bomby at 8pm, so possibly very intoxicated he responded: ‘I’m soooo proud of you… now and forever (another kissing emoji)’ He wasn’t like this before, when I lived with him, this love bombing is a new thing and I wonder why? Curious Seaturtle“-

    – I guess he was very flattered by what you said and rewarded you for flattering him (this is in line with his PR agent’s policy). Do you mean that when you lived with him, you used to flatter him but he did not respond similarly to the above?

    By the way, your posts did not bring me down because I know that even when you are going through a difficult time, you are resourceful and your 3rd eye chakra is open. Notice this: the Seaturtle who wanted to hide in her shell in the closing of your first post today, was out of her shell, curious to see/ learn new things only 18 minutes later, closing your second post with Curious Seaturle!

    anita

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