Dear Seaturtle:

“Two years with N, feels like a lot of time and what was the point? One major point is this, recognizing my need to be seen by a significant other, before N I didn’t realize I wanted that, or what it even meant to me”- indeed, it’s a major point of learning from this 2-years experience.

“It makes me want to try to SEE somebody else.. maybe you?“- what do you see when you “look” at me via the computer screen?

“I wonder if everyone is complex or others are more simple, I suspect this is true but wouldn’t it be a superiority complex to claim that I am more complex than some others?“- the healthier I am, the less complex and simpler I become. N is complex, he Teflon-s his complexity, but it’s still there. You, Seaturtle, are courageously and intelligently looking into your complexity with an open/ opening third eye and an activated crown chakra.

“wow so when I feel unseen I lean more narcissistic on the spectrum“- yes!

“And dating N made me recognize I was overcompensating for something, and it was that I felt unseen. That’s a lot to take in. Why did it take him to trigger that?“- you shared that he was the first guy you fell in-love with, and he was your first long-term relationship.

“with N, if they stop giving me their energy of trying to see me… I must see myself, and this is where the narcissistic behaviors can enter. Slowly, my priority narrows down to only myself, and their feelings become less important“- very well said!

“we both clearly have a similar desire to be better every day“- yes, indeed.. we’re bot the bees’ knees!

“If there wasn’t better then I’d still rather be single than with him“- remember this realization next time you forget it.

“I feel empathy for him… I feel guilty that I couldn’t be the love he needed in his life“- I am relieved that you are this much removed from the alarming areas of the NPD spectrum! I hope that this guilt is not great, and that it will shrink over time and be no more.

“I hope to find someone who sees all the love that I am directing towards them, and that I can see their love as well… there’s some compatibility of some sort that enters the equation“- compatibility in the context of two fellow being human casually interacting in the world is different from the compatibility required in the context of a close friendship and/ or a romantic relationship.

“one day I wanna hear more about what it was like to do what you are doing. I thank you, because I need this, someone who cares to see me as much as they can. And you are that person right now (heart emoji, and leaf emoji because this feels very natural)“- it makes my day reading this!!! (a huge snow flakes emoji… it is snowing here right now, and the snowflakes are huge!)

“‘complex.’ I am thinking about this word right now, how did I get this way and is everyone on the planet on a spectrum from a simple to complex?“- like I wrote above, before reading this part, the mentally healthier I become, the less complex I am, and yes, complexity/ Simplicity has to be on a spectrum too.

“You know what, at least a silver lining of being ‘unseen’ is that I am familiar enough with the feeling that I just don’t expect people to see me“- that’s a good thing, to not expect it, and be delighted when it happens!

“Edit: I feel more seen by you than N, to an extreme degree“- this is a compliment as huge as the snow flakes falling right now, thank you for saying this!

I will read and reply further later.

anita