Dear Nate:

I didn’t spend much time on your short original post yesterday and I want to try and do a better job responding this Sunday morning:

“No matter what I do I can’t find anybody who loves me or wants to love me and I have no idea what makes me so unlovable… I can’t figure out what makes me such an unlovable s*** who isn’t worthy of a partner or sex. Is it my body? is it my face? Everybody says it’s not your fault, but it doesn’t make sense because if I get ghosted by 12 women it’s not their fault???“-

– Traditionally, when it comes to dating, men initiate: they are the ones doing the asking, and women respond with a Yes or a No. This means that most men, if they take on the asking, get lots of No-s before they get a Yes, while women don’t get No-s because they are not the one doing the asking.

– You say that you were ghosted by 12 women. If you never met these women in real-life and they all ghosted you online (in a dating website perhaps), then being ghosted online is, unfortunately, a very common experience, it’s.. business as usual. How a person comes across online may be a problem: if one expresses an attitude of hostility or extensive self-pity, that is likely to turn people off.

– If you met these 12 women in real-life, on a date or a few dates, and then they ghosted you; again, how you come across to women may be a problem.  If you come across in ways that women find unattractive, there are ways for you to change the way you come across. For example, let’s say that on a date,  you say little and you don’t ask the woman any questions. The result: she may think that you are bored with her, and that you have no interest in getting to know her better. If so, even though you feel lonely, you come across as someone who is not social. In this example, you can learn to make small talk, and to ask questions so that the woman feels that you not bored with her, and that you are interested in getting to know her.

You ended your original post with: “I don’t know what to do and I’m in desperate need of someone to talk to“- please talk here, talk to me..?

anita