Dear Robi:

Thank you for wishing me well. “A few days ago I talked to my parents and I told them I don’t feel that good here and I’m considering going back to Warsaw… they kept telling me over and over that I should stay here because there are more and better opportunities for me here – reminding me how I used to complain about living in Warsaw ( with my girlfriends mother, the flat, the weather, etc. )“- (1) lesson learned (?): don’t complain to them anymore about living in Warsaw (or anywhere else), it’s not fair to them, really, (2) I don’t see greater opportunities for you in Spain than in Warsaw, being that teaching English in Spain didn’t pay much (and caused you headaches), and being a waiter there- I assume you can do that in Warsaw.

“The days that followed I kept thinking and rethinking.. not really being able to fully decide anything… Before I bought it I felt like I wanted to go to Warsaw“- it’s been a pattern: feeling badly in location A and missing location B => deciding to go back to location B and buying the ticket =>  doubting and regretting the decision.  It’s almost as if every place you live in feels like the storage-glass-door-room where you grew up, or your parents’-workplace where you had to wait for hours. You feel trapped in a place and needing to get out of the trap.. only to get re-trapped someplace else…?

“If I go to Warsaw, for a while I would have to live with her mother..  and that doesn’t feel great.. also knowing she’s not very comfortable I’ll be back there – she felt quite offended by my behaviour ( not liking it there and knowing she was the reason ). I don’t really have another option at the moment. Whenever I manage to have an income there we’ll try to find a better solution“- talking today about not being fair to parents, it really isn’t fair to her mother, for you to make her feel unwanted in her own home. I understand that you don’t choose how you feel about her, but if you live in her home, you have to behave kindly and respectfully toward her.

I hope that your time ad conversations with your girlfriend, very soon, will help you think more clearly and feel some peace of mind and heart.

anita