Dear Kshitij:

You are always welcome!

(I am adding the boldface feature to the quote): “I am rushing, I do feel lagging behind.. I am living under self-inflicted pressure… I want to release this pressure now… my intrusive thoughts and flashbacks are hindering me…  And just like that, I scrolled my mobile phone for less than a minute and I came across something that again triggered my anxiety and intrusive thoughts… I do accept that I have a habit/tendency of self-loathing from a long time”-

– As a person who suffered from heavy-duty OCD for (I am guessing) 25 years, a Rushing person: mentally and physically (I was “blessed” with Tourette tics which is like the muscles are rushing with nowhere to go),- I can tell you (some if it told again, I suppose) what worked for me:

1) Psychiatric medications: Sertraline and later, Fluvoxamine (two of the SSRI anti-depressant used off label for OCD. I have a distinct memory when I first took Sertraline (prescribed by a psychiatrist), I felt that the drug was like a pair of scissors that cut off my obsessive/ intrusive thoughts (I no longer take any psychiatric drugs since 2013).

2) Psychotherapy (2011-13): Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with a heavy dose of Mindfulness.

3) One day, I remember it well, I asked myself: what power does an intrusive thought really have? I purposefully thought “dangerous” thoughts and realized that nothing really happened as a result. I understood that the intrusive thoughts happen only in the distance between my two ears, and not beyond. When I no longer feared my thoughts.. they stopped being intrusive, they were just thoughts, mere thoughts and nothing more.

4) I used to compare myself to others, most unfavorably, feeling like a failure in comparison. One day I accepted my failures, no longer fighting within, no longer resisting.. it took the pressure off.

5) Through.. eventually, feeling empathy for myself, I no longer loathe myself: I am on my side, I am for me; not against me.

anita