Hi Harry

That is really interesting.

So you two weren’t in an official long distance relationship. You hadn’t discussed monogamy and weren’t going steady or anything.

In this case, you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and her for no reason. As she said, it isn’t even cheating.

This is what I meant by habits you have of not being realistic and fantasising.

You fantasised that you were in a committed relationship when you weren’t, you fantasised about marrying her, you fantasised about being in love with her while in your mind also fantasising about cheating on her.

The reality is more realistic. You both liked each other and decided to see each other again. You saw each other again and had some fun and some down times, the latter because of all of the pressure that you put on the situation. By fantasising that you cheated and fantasising that you are in love and going to be together forever.

She asked you to drop the topic of cheating before and you refused bringing it up again. In a way it is good that you did because you gained some clarity about the situation. But you also ignored her wishes because you were feeling bad and in doing so made her feel bad. It is a case of not caring if she feels bad as long as you get to feel better. But she cannot make you feel better permanently. Facing reality, that you didn’t cheat. That you are not a bad person for what happened, even though you imagined yourself to be.

After having a row and making up you had amazing sex. This is another thing that is emotionally highly charged and flipping between two emotions. The sadness and connection. Emotional highs and lows. A calmer more balanced perspective would be beneficial for you.

Let me ask you. Is it really so bad for reality that perhaps you both don’t love each other. But just really like each other because you don’t really know each other that well. You are having fun vacations and connecting. Who knows what will come of it? Is that really such a bad reality?

Do you need to pretend that you will get married and be in love when you aren’t yet? Do you need to pretend that you are a terrible person when you aren’t?

As for your feelings changing… sometimes we are not connected to our emotions properly and during periods of conflict it is even more difficult to connect to them.

This girl sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. You could learn a lot from her. About how to moderate your feelings and be more realistic.

Date if you want to, don’t if you don’t want to while you both are in touch and get to know each other and have fun.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏