Dear Carol:

She shared with you, paraphrased, that she’s been suffering from depression, that her energy is limited, and therefore she has had to choose what’s important to her (her relationship, and soon: her studies), and withdraw from what is less important to her (you).

“I am wondering if I should talk to her about how I feel like we drifted apart or if I should let this go“- how you feel, Carol, is not high on her priority list.

It is her right to determine her priority list, and she is doing the best she can for herself.

“I don’t know if I should empathize with her.. or myself?“- empathize with yourself and express some empathy for her.  But let the ones she prioritizes do most of the empathizing with her.

“I feel like talking to her is a way of respecting myself and our friendship“- your friendship with her has been a high priority in your mind and heart; a low priority in her mind and heart.

“I am wondering if I am not being selfish/self-centered, bringing up my issues knowing very well she struggles with her mental health!“- she struggles with depression and she chooses what she believes will help her: her relationship with her boyfriend, and soon: her studies.

She is not choosing you as a source of help.

You are not selfish when you choose to accept and respect her priorities/ her faith in what can or cannot help her.

anita