Dear t

The most recent conflict from my end was: I invited him to plans and he gave a weird, clearly fake semi-excuse, then invited me to the same plans that he just said had a time conflict with my plans. (I feel that this is so vague so in more detail, he said something like “I might be going to dinner with x so I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it, but you guys should definitely come to dinner!”). My plans were for 3pm and never would’ve interfered with dinner and we ended up going to both. The situation was a little more complicated but that’s mainly what happenef.

This annoyed me a lot because I have repeatedly told him just to tell me if he doesn’t want to do something. He will insist that he doesn’t have any doubts and was giving a legitimate excuse, until I push harder and he admits that he had a lot of concerns about my plans

We all have different speeds to requests/suggestions, sometimes we can answer in the affirmative quickly and other situations we may need more time to make a response and this may not suit the other persons.

If you keep interrogating your boyfriend of course he will eventually crack and give you the answer you are demanding, basically he is dammed if he does and he is dammed if he doesn’t.  Which of course is not satisfactory for either person and does not improve the chances of  open dialogue in the future.

My friend & her husband have come up with a list of colours and number scale to help them communicate with each other ie blue for depressed, red angry, pink excited, green jealousy/envy, brown confused, orange anxious, purple conflicted, black tired and 1 for a little to ten alot.

Kind regards

Roberta