Dear Sandy:

You made a clear and convincing argument as to why you should not marry this woman, but break up instead: (1) you called the relationship toxic (“I realized that we are in a toxic relationship“), (2) she wants you to live with her and her parents, and you can’t (“she can only marry a man who can live with her parents after marriage, and I can’t because I want to live independently with my wife“), (3) you care about healthy eating habits, she and her parents do not (“I build healthy eating habits, while her family doesn’t“), (4) she and her parents are religious Muslims, you are not (“Her parents don’t know that I am not a religious Muslim, so it would be weird for them if I am not praying. She also lives in a very religious village, so I think the environment wouldn’t fit me well“), (5) you believe in privacy, she does not (“she always wants to know who messages me on WhatsApp or wants to know my social media passwords so she can check them anytime“), there are more differences that you pointed out, but the above is convincing enough (isn’t it?) that marriage with her is a bad idea (a bad idea for you and for her).

“I must decide whether I should marry her or break up, and I have ended up with indecision for some time. What I know is that she thinks breaking up is a negative thing to do“- do you think that breaking up and preventing a troubled  and miserable marriage is a negative thing to do?

“Also, I have some questions: 1. Should a couple have the same spiritual path/religion for marriage in order to have a healthy relationship and a happy marriage?“- not necessarily, but a couple has to have the same basic values and expectations in common, such as: living with, or not living with parents after marriage; keeping some privacy after marriage, or not; practicing a certain religion, or not.

“2. Even if I choose another partner who can compromise with me (not her), after some years, values might change. What can we do if we can’t compromise again?“- focus on now, on your current situation, not on a future-maybe- situation. There are serious incompatibilities in this current relationship, now.

anita