Hi Anita

Thank you for your response. I have been thinking on what you have said to me.

You are right, the wrong kind of friends. The amazing friends I speak of are the ones in my city. The horrible things happened in Manchester however I actually live in another city about 50 miles away. I always felt like the outsider which is why I don’t think they believed me (or wanted to believe me). Fair weather friends, as they say.

Thank you for sharing how you felt around your mother. I can understand this, I too was waiting for the next criticism. It’s so difficult because we try our best and try and meet their expectations but the goal posts continuously move further away from us.

I have been focusing on the positives in my life (because there are many) however I agree, I have not been processing the negatives.

How can people like that go into someone’s life and cause emotional destruction and they be let off all the pain? I didn’t want to let him win by being upset so I’ve kept pushing on with the positives. He doesn’t cry over me so I wanted to try not to either. That was my logic. Now I am exhausted though.

How you have explained his projection of his mother onto me has been very useful to read. Him focusing on the then and there instead of the here and now. This makes me realise that it was not me, there was nothing I could do differently.

Interestingly, he has struggled with addiction in the past and my supportive friends believe he has a substance abuse problem.

There was never going to be anything I could do. The course was set from the start.

Thank you for reading.

Sammie