Dear Bhavana:

“His parents had love marriage.. so he was always confident that he can talk to his parents and convince them“- if both his parents came from Christian families, their love marriage is of a different category than if they came from two different religions. If his parents are of a same religion love marriage, then your ex did not suspect at all that they may disapprove of a different religion love marriage?

“during that time of looking for matches for his elder brother.. they warned him also.. saying.. we won’t agree if she does not belong to our religion and community.. he tried to talk to them.. but they gave him hard time and stopped talking entirely.. and recently his mother had a severe illness“- the usual parental manipulation: silent treatment, guilt tripping, and maybe faking or exaggerating an illness.

“he was pretty sure he could convince them… His parents reaction was very unexpected to him“- I often read in the forums that (in arranged marriage societies) young men think that they can convince the parents on the issue, and I don’t know why they’d think that, or be sure of it,  because the Power is with the Parents.

“Our assumptions are wrong.. I believe assuming things and going through relationship was our fault..“- yes, assuming things based on wishful thinking (not on evidence) is a problem. There is a saying, the heart wants what the heart wants. And now you have to give your heart time and attention so that it heals, so that it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.. little by little.

Please feel free to post any time you feel like posting. Maybe expressing yourself, here on this thread (or on a new thread you may want to start), and receiving supportive replies will help a bit.

anita