Hi Joseph

If you want to fix this I would encouraged you to try and get help. That you are here asking this question tells me that you do want help.

Even if you don’t think you can stick it out. You might have to try over and over again with different therapists like the way you handle your career.

Your concerns about medicine are understandable considering past experiences with addiction. That you managed to overcome that is a massive achievement! There are different kinds of medication, some addictive and some not. A doctor would be able to guide you in this process of selecting a non-addictive medication if you are interested. I have tried some of the addictive kinds of mental health drugs. They are not good and it is best to stay away from them. I’m now on a non-addictive antidepressant. It is pretty simple, pretty basic. But improves my mood a little. Nothing world altering, or earth shattering. I’m not numb.

I’m so sorry to hear about your difficulties with trauma and suicidal ideation.

44 jobs at 29 years old. That in itself is impressive. I can understand your concerns with wanting to stick in at a job and having difficulties with that.

You said that you stayed at a job for two years once. What was different about that?

I wonder if there could be something else going on in addition to trauma? I know someone who is neurodivergent that bounces from job to job. I’m sorry if this idea might be uncomfortable for you. I’m just trying to help. I’m neurodivergent myself and there is 100% nothing wrong with these things.

You don’t sound lazy to me. It sounds like you are determined to try over and over even while knowing you will probably end up leaving a job. I understand the difficulties it causes. But I don’t think that you are a bad person for it and you should stop blaming yourself.

I think staying for 30 years at a box factory is also pretty extreme on the other side of the range of experiences. I would die of boredom too.

After all of your experiences do you have any idea of what you like in a job, what you don’t like? What do you enjoy doing? Do you have any interests?

I once stayed at a job that made me suicidal because of an abusive workplace environment for 3 years. Just to prove to myself that I could hack it anywhere. Why did I do that? Because I didn’t have faith in myself. I valued an idea of succeeding over my own comfort and safety. I don’t recommend it and wouldn’t do it again.

There are a lot of abusive employers out there. I wouldn’t recommend that someone with a traumatic background and suicidal ideation stays in an environment like that.

The degree of discomfort is important. Every job has something that sucks. Learning how to tolerate a normal level of discomfort could be a good thing for you.

For example, how did you overcome your addiction? You literally turned away from perceived pleasurable experiences to live with your own painful feelings.

This drive you have that allowed you to overcome that, could potentially help you to overcome the career issues.

I wish you the best of luck figuring all of this out.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏