Hi CutieJ

It sounds like the lying has become a massive trigger for you after everything that has happened. It’s true that you have been through so much both in your home life and in the relationship. I’m sorry to hear that she lied to you again.

Considering your reaction to the lie. I’m surprised that she told you about it. Some people lie when they are afraid of others. It sounds like she is afraid of the way you react. This is something to work on in therapy because it sounds like some abusive behaviours got normalized for you at home. This means that you learned them and don’t see how damaging you are. It wasn’t your fault that you were brought up in an abusive home, but as an adult you have a responsibility to undo the damage that was caused to yourself by your parents. This will help you to have healthy relationships in the future.

Lying is not okay. Checking someones location is not okay. Throwing things is not okay. Breaking things is not okay. Throwing things away is not okay. Stopping someone is not okay. Punching things is not okay. Trying to force someone to talk is not okay. Shaking someone is not okay. Threatening your partner with scissors is not okay. No one should be afraid for their safety in a relationship.

Locking herself in a cupboard and shutting down are trauma responses. She was afraid for her safety. I can tell that you regret it. But you need to understand the gravity of the situation because you currently don’t fully understand it. It is good that you are doing your best to be honest with yourself about your mistakes. This means that you can learn to control them.

If you are angry to the point of these things you should have left the relationship a long time ago. It is the healthy thing to do. You need to learn to protect yourself in a healthy way and leave these harmful relationships behind when you come across them. You deserve to be treat with respect and honoured and valued.

She is right, these things aren’t love. Love means treating each other with respect. Things like this are part of why she is breaking up with you.

It good to hear that you both managed to put the bad argument behind you and try to have a nice time. I think that going to her friends the day before you leave whilst it doesn’t feel good, it’s a good idea. You are breaking up. You both need a bit of space to process that before it finally happens. Try to honour her request even though it is hard.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏