Dear Calm Moon:

You are very welcome and thank you for expressing your appreciation. I am glad to read that the heaviness on your shoulders became lighter!

“1. My manager also talks with excitement as you described. It irritates me, and I don’t understand why“- because it’s hard on the brain, it overwhelms the neural capability of the brain.

“She reduces my productivity and motivation“- her excessive, excitable talk (and other behaviors) overwhelm the brain and makes it less productive, and exhausted. When we’re exhausted we want to rest, to do nothing.

“She tries to micromanage me but leaves me alone when I have a heavy workload“- reads like she is unstable, having a mood disorder, impulsivity.

“She also attempts to transfer many responsibilities to me, which is unfortunately common pattern in my life. Wherever I am, people sense that I’m responsible and overload me with tasks“- assertiveness skills will help.

“2. She brings me gifts, but it makes me uncomfortable. I sense a kind of fake energy. Because I feel this way about her kind gestures, I sometimes think that I’m the problem, not her“- I understand. I too felt uncomfortable with my mother’s kind-appearing gestures. Like I said, either her gestures were fake (aimed to show that she is a good person), or, if and when they were genuine, there was too much of a backlog of her disrespectful/ abusive/ distressing behaviors imprinted in my brain, so I couldn’t appreciate, enjoy and reciprocate her affection. I too thought that I was the problem and I felt guilty. But I wasn’t guilty, and neither are you in your situation.

“3. She frequently complains about others and shares every single detail about them“- she reads more and more like my mother.

“4. I will try to reduce my side projects with her, but it might take some time. Because she’s so clingy, I find it difficult to stop everything at once. I’m afraid that if I end things suddenly, she’ll be angry and give bad recommendations. But life is too short to tolerate all of this, so I will stand up for myself.“- reduce projects, minimize contact, show her respect while exercising assertiveness skills. For example, when you are trying to focus on your work while she is talking to you, tell her politely that you need to focus on your task at hand, and that maybe you can talk later..?

anita