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  • June 4, 2025 at 7:57 am #446538
    Lunar
    Participant

    Alright… so I have been in this relationship for over a year and today is our anniversary. We are also a wlw relationship for extra context.

    I feel like my partner has quite a few issues with me that no other partner has voiced in the past and honestly it makes me feel like we are not compatible. Firstly she will say I make a face and she “hates the face I am making”, usually when I am upset, distracted, annoyed, etc. She says the same thing to her family as well. I can’t control my face,nor can most people.I don’t understand why she is so sensitive about it everytime and yes I have asked her and her reasoning is just that she hates it? Then she expects me to always be this happy person that expresses 0 negative emotions. Again I am human. I moved to her country, which speaks a different language than my own, I need to learn it I know. I have no friends here,I have tried, but I need to keep trying I know. I am working two jobs I dont actually enjoy, but I cant find something else at the moment. We live with her family, her family are really sweet, but I want my own space, yet life here is so expensive to go off on your own and we can’t at the moment. I feel very frustrated and depressed by the situation I find myself in. And I am generally more unhappy than I am happy these days. Even our relationship is not the best. I find her to be so controlling if I make friends they can’t be men or tomboys, this is due to her trust issues from being cheated on in the past. If go back to my country she tells me a whole long list of rules I need to follow , because she is worried about me. Her love feels more controlling than actual love. She loves me so much she doesnt want me to be sad? I feel smothered so much by this love of hers. Let alone she gets the craziest mood swings yet I must be perfect. I don’t know what to do anymore?

    June 4, 2025 at 9:16 am #446561
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lunar:

    I hear you—it sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of weight in this relationship, and in your life overall. It’s completely understandable that you feel frustrated, trapped, and emotionally drained.

    You’ve made big sacrifices—moving to a new country, taking jobs you don’t enjoy, adapting to a new culture—and through all of this, you should be receiving support, patience, and understanding. Instead, it seems like you’re being asked to suppress your emotions, manage your partner’s insecurities, and adjust everything about yourself to fit her expectations. That’s not love—it’s control.

    It’s not unreasonable to want personal space, independence, and freedom to express yourself. Love should lift you up, not smother you. And while relationships require compromise, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your emotional well-being.

    If you’re generally more unhappy than happy, that’s a sign that something needs to change—whether that’s open communication with your partner, setting boundaries, or even reconsidering if this relationship aligns with your needs. You deserve partnership, not restriction.

    If it helps, take some time to imagine what happiness and peace would look like for you—what would need to change? What would bring you relief? That might help you clarify your next steps.

    You deserve to feel free, understood, and safe in love. Wishing you strength. 💛

    Anita

    June 4, 2025 at 1:22 pm #446563
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Lunar

    Happy Anniversary!

    It sounds like you’re in a really difficult situation overall. I think anyone who moves to a different country where they don’t speak the language would be having a hard time. The isolation from your support network in your home country and the lack of one in this new country must be really challenging. Not to mention being overwhelmed by two (pardon my French) crappy jobs and a shared living space.

    The difficulties with your partner are the icing on the cake. I think you need to be honest with her about how you feel. It is up to you whether you want to keep trying or not.

    It does sound like you need to set some boundaries with your partner. She can’t decide who you get to be friends with. In this new country, you need any friends you can make. It is detrimental to your mental health the kind of isolation you are experiencing. Make it clear that you care about her and reassure her fears. It might go down better?

    I wouldn’t take the face comment personally. I know people that make comments like this. In my experience, people are usually worried that you might be upset with them.

    If she doesn’t want you to be sad, there are things she can do to help rather than just say that. Being clear about the things that would actually help could be helpful. Having your boundaries respected is part of that.

    What kinds of rules does she recommend for going back to your home country?

    Sometimes life is hard. It is up to you whether you want to try to work through it together or decide that enough is enough. There is no wrong answer here. ❤️

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