“Turn down the volume of your negative inner voice and create a nurturing inner voice to take its place.” ~Beverly Engel
After the abuse ends, people think the pain ends too. But what no one tells you is that sometimes the loudest voice isn’t the abuser’s anymore—it’s the one that settles inside you.
It whispers:
“You’re broken.”
“You’re used.”
“You don’t deserve better.”
And over time, that voice doesn’t just whisper. It becomes the rhythm of your thoughts, the lens through which you see yourself.
That’s what I mean when I say the trauma keeps talking.
Living with the Echo
In the months after my assault, I didn’t have words for what I was feeling. I just knew that every choice I made seemed to come from a place of damage.
I found myself in situations that felt eerily familiar—letting people use me, letting hands roam without question. I wasn’t saying “yes” because I wanted to; I was saying it because a voice inside had already decided I wasn’t worth more.
And to anyone watching from the outside, it might have looked like I was reckless. But inside, I was just tired. Tired of fighting a voice that seemed louder than mine.
Why We Stay Stuck
Trauma has this way of rewriting the script in our heads.
It convinces us that we’re not the same person anymore, that we’re tainted beyond repair. And because we believe that, we keep choosing situations that prove the voice right.
It’s not that we want to keep hurting ourselves. It’s that the part of us that knows we deserve better gets buried under layers of pain and self-blame.
I remember once thinking, “What’s the point of saying no?” I felt like I’d already lost the right to draw boundaries.
Looking back now, I realize that wasn’t me speaking. That was trauma—still in control.
The Turning Point
For me, things didn’t change overnight. There wasn’t a single moment when I woke up healed. But there was a moment when I got tired of losing to that voice.
I remember looking in the mirror and realizing, “If I keep going like this, the abuse wins forever—even without him here.”
That realization didn’t silence the trauma, but it gave me a reason to fight back.
I started doing small, almost invisible things to reclaim myself:
Saying “no” even when my voice shook.
Choosing one safe person to tell the truth to.
Permitting myself to stop—to pause—before walking into another cycle that would hurt me.
Each of those choices felt impossibly hard at the time. But with every pause, with every “no,” the voice of trauma got quieter.
Healing Is a Process, Not a Snap
I used to think healing meant waking up one day and feeling nothing.
Now I know healing means learning to talk louder than the trauma.
It means choosing—again and again—to believe a different story about yourself.
If this is where you are—if the trauma is still talking and you feel powerless to shut it up—I need you to know something:
You can stop. You can pause. You can turn around.
Not for anyone else—for you. For your peace. Your sanity. Your healing.
What I Want You to Remember
I won’t insult you by saying, “Just snap out of it.” That’s not how this works.
But I will tell you that one pause, one moment of reclaiming yourself, can change everything.
It’s not easy, I know. But it’s possible. And it’s worth it.
You deserve better than pain on repeat. You deserve to be more than what was done to you.
If you’re reading this and the trauma is still talking, please hear this from someone who’s been there:
The voice isn’t you. You’re still here. And you’re allowed to fight for a story where the abuse doesn’t win.
I may not have all the answers, but I know the terrain of this road—the stops, the setbacks, the slow turning around. And I want to walk it with you, one better choice at a time.
Because healing isn’t out of reach. You just have to start talking louder than the trauma.
About Ibukun Oluwaseun Adesina
Ibukun Oluwaseun Adesina is a trauma-informed social worker, coach, and soul-writer who believes that healing can take many forms—from professional guidance to personal reflection and storytelling. Through her movement, Virginia Heals and its youth initiative, SafeNest Teens, she helps others find safety, courage, and self-worth after pain. She’s also the author of How to Heal When You Can’t Talk About It, a guide for silent survivors learning to find their voices again. Connect with her on Facebook or email virginiaheals@gmail.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.