I’ve been a long time Tiny Buddha fan and am quite excited that I finally stopped lurking, signed up and am now posting.

On to why I’m here:

Lately I’ve been struggling trying to reconcile some feelings that I still have after losing someone that very much felt like “the love of my life”. I put that in quotation marks because the further I get away from the situation and analyze it, the more I realize that I’d greatly misjudged the situation. How he felt about me and moreover about how I had believed a fantasy in my head about a potential us rather than the reality that was always staring me in the face.

Most of my feelings have been based around my disappointment and not so much in him, but in myself. I know that I’ve wrongly internalized it because it was much easier to blame me and prey on my own weaknesses (I have struggled greatly with anxiety, depression and PTSD in the past) rather than just accept things as they are and move on. Recently though, I’ve been trying to tell myself that this last time (the second) is it for us and I shouldn’t be hanging around and waiting for nothing to happen again. Basically, I had met this person and thought we had such great potential but they turned out to be such a total flake. Whenever I really needed him to communicate or to just be present with me, I never could seem to find him there. Always somewhere else that he had to be or some other lame excuse. The situation burned on as fast as it’s burned off on both occasions, but it’s also always ended with him disappearing without a trace which not only has fueled anger within me BUT also…I allowed it to challenge my feelings of purpose and worth.

I suppose this is where it gets complicated because in dealing with this I have allowed my emotions from that to seep into other parts of my life and have a negative impact on them. Which has in turn put the rest of my life at a stand still. I feel stuck at this point and very much like I don’t know what I can really do next. I can see good things there, but I’ve been so used to the negative that it’s hard to act.

What I’m wondering is how did you guys overcome a great disappointment? What are some good ways to move past the bad so you can get to the really good stuff? What did you do to get over a big negative bump in the road?

I know for sure that I don’t feel hopeless or without a way out, but all I wanna know (figure out) is how can I really start to move on and stop revisiting the past.

🙂 thanks for reading!