Hi !

First of all: sorry if I make many language mistakes, I do not speak or write English that often.

I read that you were and stil are suffering from anxiety, and that you hope to start this new year in a fresh slate. Even though that does’nt make it better, I do think that it’s good that you really know what you’re suffering from, and that you have decided that it’s time t chance. That might have been a first step moving forward. Even though it seems like you have anxiety in general, it looks like the relationship-part is the most important for you now. Or am I wrong? I don’t know your whole story ofcourse 😉

About the relationship. Do I read it clearly that you forced her to leave the relationship, but that you in the same time really wan’ this relationship? If so, what are you so afraid of in that relationship? Are you afraid that she will leave you? Or are you afraid of something else? In a relationship, you are never shure of what will happen, I think. You can work on it, and make the best of it, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. Still, even though you have a chance of getting hurt, it might be worth trying to build op a beautiful thing together. Even if there are misunderstandings, or many fights, what you always have left are words: if you’re trying to be open to the other, best case, she’ll be willing to be open too. If you let each other look inside your deepest self (what’s hurting you, things you’re afraid of, how you feel, …), it could be a great releave, and an opportunity to understand each other and move forword; I know this is an advice that comes from my opinion, but maybe it can help you to talk about your fears.

I don’t know if you’ve tried to talk to anyone about your fears, but I think it might be very hard to walk with it alone. So I think it’s good that you made this step to write your worries somewhere. And I would advice you to do it more. Maybe you won’t get ‘smarter’ of it (because some advices work, others don’t), but at least you don’t walk alone with those thoughts.

I don’t know if what I’ve writen is any help. Anyway I want to wish you the best, and I hope you’ll be feeling better step by step.