Jamie,

I have been reading Tiny Buddha for well over eight months and your posting was the first to push me to register to reply. Congratulations on having the courage to break free of your sociopath boyfriend two and a half years ago. That is difficult and challenging at its best. Unless people have walked in your shoes, they don’t really realize how difficult it really is to break free. I was married to a sociopath for 6 years but we were together for 11 so I know your struggles. You inquired how you move on and get away? The best advice I can give you is, as much as you feel the need to right society and uphold the law, it would be best if possible to turn your back and walk away. The more that you continue to push, the more you continue to involve yourself in his life in any way, shape, or form, you continue on some level to antagonize him. He doesn’t have normal thinking so he will continue to look at it in a negative way and continue to seek revenge. You don’t need this for yourself or your children. Just leave him alone. Do not read his mail; do not take his phone calls; do not visit with him; do not speak with him; do not leave or listen to voicemails. Just have no interaction with him. Only then, when you finally remove him from all aspects of your life, will you truly be able to move on and find peace. I know it’s hard. The first three months that you do this, those will be the hardest 3 months. But once you’re on the other side, you’ll find distance and peace.

One other thing, a sociopath is not like other people. They don’t have the same mindset, they don’t have the same compassion and empathy, they just operate on an entirely different level. You shouldn’t judge all people by this one bad person. I don’t believe that sociopaths are entirely at fault. I think somewhere in their life, somebody did them wrong and it just tripped a switch. I think with counseling, with medication, with the right team of people, they can find help but you’re not that person to help them. I am sure that you have good people around you; compassionate people who love you and care about you with honesty. Those are the people that you should continue to interact with. And continue to seek inspiration from Tiny Buddha

Hi Jamie,
I feel for you and I am very sorry for you or anyone who has shared time with a sociopath. After reading and reading to find a positive way to interact with my sons x-girlfriend, and mother of his infant son, I know that a complete cutting off is best. However, in your situation, he is pursuing you in a way that forces you to deal with him. My son’s situation forces him to be at his x’s mercy. I have many horrific stories I can share of what she has done to my son. From filing restraining order to giving birth and my son has still not been able to see his baby boy.
What I have read is that the only thing that will stop a sociopath from victimizing you is when the fun is over with you and they find a new victim. The best book I have read is Dr. Phil’s book titled, “Life Code.” Please read this book.
The other thing is to “Out” them. Find ways to expose their tactics to people that they wouldn’t want to know what they’re really about.
Sociopaths have no conscience. They have no empathy. They feel no guilt or shame, they just switch to a new victim. They will play their therapist. They’re very skilled at manipulating. It is a dangerous relationship to be in or to be parented by a sociopath.
I have lived my life to give love to evil and Love always conquers evil. I taught all 4 of my children this same value. The problem is that I didn’t know how to identify these types of people and to prepare myself or my children to be cautious, or that these people really exist. We are all givers in our family and she saw my son and our entire family as a huge win. She is driving my son into a mental breakdown. He cries for hours everyday. He begs her to see and hold his son. She’s in heaven having so much power.
This book Dr. Phil wrote is a must in teaching us a new code to live by.
I continue to conquer evil with good! My values haven’t changed, I just am aware of the signs of behavior that I must avoid for safety. I hope you are able to share your experiences with others so that more people become aware that sociopaths are very skilled and we must be mindful.
I hope the best for you!!

My first ex is a sociopath as well. I lived with him for 10 years. It was 10 years of living in a vortex, where all is controlled by someone that has no empathy, no compassion, and I find no conscience at all. He is the father of my oldest son who is now 21 years. When my son was 4 years old, I escaped him to save my life, with him chasing me on the street terrorizing me. My son was asleep at the time. I went to call the police and told them what was going on. They did not believe me, and told me that my son was in a secure environment, and I would have to go to court. I was appalled, my ex is a cocaine addict as well and violent, but they said that they had no proof. I had in the past put charges against him but he talked me out of it, being all sweet and all. If only I would have known that it would bite me later on. I have lost custody of my son and have had no contact with him since he was 14 years old. I have gone to court for 10 years trying to gain custody of him, but his father alienated him against me, so he told me he wants to be with his father. After 15 years of separation on the eve of my sons’ 21 birthday I wrote on my wall that I missed him and wished to see him one day. Basically just a call to the universe, and he responded. He left me 45 comments and 15 messaged all of them very nasty with name calling and threats as well on me and my youngest son. I desperately wanted to do something about it, so I called my lawyer, and she advised me to let it go there was not really anything I could do, because it would only give him more fuel, and torment for me. So I blocked him but he is still mocking me by saying he is with his son and I could drop dead and he would be happy. I have learned to live with the heartache and go forward by taking a small positive step forward every day, but the emotional scars remain. I am now at peace with myself and much stronger woman. But I agree with Helen, people with a good heart are their perfect victims. They will mirror everything that you want, and once they have you they will project to others everything they hate about themselves. I wish you the best of luck, and yes you have to let go for your own sanity.

I’m going through the exact same situation and it’s eerily similar, however, I’m currently with an individual much like you described and not sure how to handle the situation.

Jaimie,

I just registered on this site after reading this thread. Hopefully you have found some relief with the good advice given back in January. I felt it necessary to comment as we share the same plight in common. If you are still seeking out answers, I strongly urge you to check this website http://www.lovefraud.com . I consulted with the owner and founder, Donna Anderson who greatly helped me in knowing what to expect from my sociopathic predator in terms of litigation process he was dragging me through. The site can provide you with many valuable resources and stories from other victims you will identify with. I wish you the best in a rough journey that will find a peaceful end and that the joy in your life will be restored. I’m still in the waiting process, however determined to never allow the predator any satisfaction in his pursuit to “rob” me of more than just my money, but my soul…You are in the same healing process and hope whatever channels you find to support your effort will help to prevail.

Best,

Michele