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Too much of a good thing?

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  • January 16, 2014 at 2:00 pm #49221
    mumtaza
    Participant

    So, I’ve had social anxiety for a long time but finally have it under control and for the most part it doesn’t interfere with my everyday life. I have cultivated healthy habits and sought help, and for the most part, I don’t notice it.

    I used to have a handful of close friends, and now that I’m growing older, many of them are moving away and I don’t have the same close relationship with them that I once had. I am trying to put myself out there and make new friends, but know that it takes time, so I don’t force it. In the meantime, I try to get out and enjoy myself and I am finally at the point where I’m happy being by myself. I have little routines and live a pretty domestic life- enjoy cooking, walking with my dog, etc.. find happiness in little things.

    The problem is that recently, my friends have called to make plans with me and I can’t summon the energy to see them. I keep making excuses. I think that everyone has this feeling where they need some time for themselves but know deep down that I’m overdoing it. I’m worried that I will lose the few friends I have if I keep cancelling plans so that I can continually rest and recharge. As much as we need time to ourselves, we can all benefit from healthy relationships with others. I too enjoy spending time with these people, my close friends, but can’t seem to get myself motivated enough to see them..

    Any advice? Thanks in advance! 🙂

    January 16, 2014 at 3:27 pm #49226
    Matt
    Participant

    mumtaza,

    Sometimes when we spend too much time alone, we forget how fun it is to connect to others. You think about your friendships and worry, for instance. They invite you to do something, and instead of seeing how fun it is to go out and play with your friends, perhaps you feel the weight of all that anxiety, that fear. If you feel you need some time alone, trust that and be alone. If you feel you’re making excuses, then that’s a pretty good time to let go, jump in and say yes. Consider the path is self nourishing, you don’t have to have the energy first… it’ll come when you break the inertia. Said differently, once you do go, maybe you’ll have fun and remember the inner child. 🙂

    With warmth,
    Matt

    January 17, 2014 at 10:53 am #49271
    Mark
    Participant

    mumtaza,
    Matt, as always, gives wise advice. The only other thing I will share with you is how I practice making decisions. I ask myself “Is this coming from Love or from Fear?” It sounds from your lack of motivation that you are coming from fear.

    We as humans thrive in relationships. This has been proven scientifically that is one of the key factors in our happiness. You already know that.

    This is one of the “fake it until you make it” situations where you feel the fear/reluctance/lack of motivation and do it anyway. In fact, why don’t YOU invite your friends instead of waiting for an invitation from them?

    Metta,
    Mark

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