Hello everyone, this is my first time responding to a post on here so I’m a bit excited about that lol.
I think this is very cool that others post how they are feeling on here and make it optional for others to give input on whatever it is that is going on. I would like to say thank you first of all for you post, that is servicing us who are either feeling the same way or have felt the same way reminding us we are not alone.
I have found myself in your shoes many times, and in fact are in a somewhat similar situation as i am writing this. not so much wanting a girlfriend but just with in friends in general. I am having trouble being alone and have had trouble being along in this past, but this time it is different. I have made it through what i believe to be the same stage it is that you are in right now. A couple months ago i was miserable. I was not doing any of the things that i wanted to do with my life or enjoy. Then i met a girl and we began to talk and it was as if drive came out of nowhere again. Finally i had found some hope that i was going to be a relationship of that type because for a long time i thought i wasn’t going to find anyone. Then the unexpected happened. She no longer wanted to talk to me “in that way”. I was very hurt, very upset, and in fact are still in the process of letting go of that hope for us entirely. But it taught me something. When we started talking i began doing all the things that it was i wanted to do again. Reading books, meditating, exercising, eating healthy, taking care of myself and so on and so forth. And i realized that it was if i was using her as my comfort zone to do all these thing. So after we stopped talking what i did was i just kept doing them no matter how hard it was to do. I am still doing them. I also recently let go of some other relationships that were just friendships, and I’m in a state of loneliness and its been a bit difficult to not let my mind take over and stop me from doing all it is that i am doing to take care of myself. But I’m wanting friendships, and I’m seeing why, its because something is wrong on the inside. I’m feeling lonely, inadequate, unworthy, all these feelings that were hidden behind those friendship. Its dealing with these feelings that will help me move on and find the contentment in myself of just being with myself, not finding something on the outside to hide how I’m feeling on the inside. I have done this many times which makes it easier to sit with these feelings. I still have people to talk to, i still have friends, i still see my therapists once a week, and yet I’m feeling lonely, that’s what tells me that they are false, they are there, but they are not real. I encourage talking to someone about how you truly feel, it has been the only way i have found to get it out and heal it. After the inside heals the outside falls into place.
I also hear some comparison between you and your friends and one thing i try to remember, and let me emphasize on Try, because i do forget it plenty, but that comparing my insides to others outsides never works.