I’m 26, female and last week was dumped by a man who, despite his flaws, I adore. I was friends with him for probably about a year before we got together, in this time he had no girlfriend but has always been a tad of a Lothario, shall we say. Our relationship (although short) has probably been the highlight of my life and we’ve spent more or less every day together. When we’re not together we text each other and continue having silly conversations to make each other laugh etc. I’ve been in love before but never like this, he makes me so happpy, I also feel incredibly comfortable around him and for the most part, trust him. You read articles about how everything you have to deal with in life leads you to the perfect person for you. Well, it’s all gone wrong, and I’m gutted.

We’ve been having a couple of arguments recently, probably over the last month or so. These arguments are always started by me. I’ve been absolutely battered by my past; for the most part it is dealt with, I’m guilty of harbouring some anger towards those that have done me wrong and I definitely feel that I did not deserve to get so shat on. 90% of the time I do not want to be one of lifes victims, and I’m not; my friends view me as a strong and fair person, they always come to me with their problems etc, I laugh and get on with life. It’s the rest of the time that the problems lie, however. I’ve never had a problem getting men, I don’t really do relationships as the longest one I had was absolutely terrible, an abusive relationship fuelled by alcoholism and depression on both sides, with my confidence, hopes and self esteem being utterly abused by this man, after 3 miserable years I got the courage to end it and shortly after ended up attempting to take my life several times and ending up in a mental unit. I vowed I would never again give myself away so wholly to a man. Guarded is definitely one word to describe myself.

I have an incredibly hard time trusting people, but Mark and I just fell into place. It just clicked. We’ve both said how little we can tolerate other people, but how the other one doesn’t annoy us in the slightest. It was magical and I felt truly blessed that I had found someone and something so special. I trust him for the most part, as mentioned, but I cannot trust him fully, not just yet. This has caused a few arguments, where naturally he is upset that I don’t trust him completely which I feel horrendous for, but he can’t just seem to grasp why I can’t trust him absolutely. It also has a bit to do with the fact that he is known for being a bit of a bad boy, and I’m petrified that he will find someone else and leave me hanging, another member of his fan club. He’s told me repeatedly that I am the only one for him, and that he wouldn’t be with me if he really didn’t want to, and that he wasn’t a cheating wanker etc. I’ve tried not to let anything from my past into this relationship, as I recognise that it belongs in the past, but that doesn’t stop it rearing it’s ugly little unwanted head from time to time, and for some reason it affects me horrendously. I’ve often wondered if I have schizophrenic tendencies just because of the complete change that comes about me occasionally. I get hysterical, angry, petulantly upset and snappy, and do things that I would never normally do. This lasts for anything from 24hours to probably a week.

Aside from all the background waffle, he said that he cannot be in this relationship any more, as though I make him happier than he has ever been 99% of the time, the 1% is so awfully bad that he just cannot take the constant ups and downs, and not knowing what’s going to come round the corner. He said that he’s scared of what I’m capable of, he knows about my past history and has seen me so hideously upset during and after an argument that he’s scared I’m going to try and hurt myself. It’s probably been just over a week. We’ve still been talking, I’ve tried to be honest and open and describe absolutely everything that I’ve ever felt, we’ve had mixed conversations, some angry, some upset, etc, I’ve told him that I want him back as we have so many great things around the corner and that I’m sorry for the way that I’ve made him feel, that I understand his worries which of course upset me too but feel that we can make it work again. Then yesterday he came round to return some stuff, he turned up with some food and we got about chatting. After a long crying session (mainly from me but from him also) he said that he wanted me back so much but he just couldn’t deal with another argument about (what he feels) is nothing (which sometimes it has been) and that he wants to believe me when I say that there will be no more stupid arguments but he just can’t trust I won’t create a situation. Losing him is truly the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I’ve felt happy for once in my life and he enables and supports me to do the best for me. I suggested to take things slowly, and enjoy each others company with a view to hopefully picking back up in a couple of weeks once we’re both over all the hurt and stress that we have both experienced.

So the question here really is; do you think it is possible that (all going well) we can get our relationship back on track? That he can rebuild his trust in me, and I him? I don’t want to have to be treading on eggshells the entire time just to make sure that I’m not going to get unceremoniously dumped every time he feels like he’s not getting his way. And my real question here is; have I got myself back into a silly situation where I can be absolutely walked all over? He knows that I want him back and will most likely do anything to hold onto him. Having said that, he’s been making a lot of ‘first move’ effort, contacting etc, which I’m sure he wouldn’t if he really didn’t give a shit. Or, am I being classic Jules and overthinking absolutely everything when I probably should be sleeping? Am I preventing myself further happiness by holding onto something that probably wasn’t going to work in the long run? Or will I be making the stupidest decision in my life by not at least trying this again, and knowing for certain?

Sorry that was so long. Suppose I just needed to get everything off my chest.