Moongal,

Its difficult to sit with the unknown, the potential, and remain patient, but this is where we learn our courage. Osho said that in the seed it is safe, the shell, the wall keeping us safe. As we sprout, we encounter the unknown soil, never sure how long before we break through. And there’s never a guarantee that it will blossom, that the exams will go well and so forth.

Courage naturally happens in this space, because we have the strength of spirit to try (like the flesh around the seed, nourishing its push), and so we’re going for it. Fears come up, trouble us, but we begin to see they come from fantasy, unknowns meeting our creativity, and learn to just breathe and let them settle. Said differently, the light of kindness you bring to the world around you (clear to me in reading your heartsong, your honest and caring support of others in need) helps produce a space that let’s those fears evoprate easily when you do choose to let them go.

Then, the mind is far less distracted, and moves toward growing our future much more directly. Said differently, the worry about the exam heightens your attention on the material, but too much and it distracts you. So, if you can just accept the fear of the unknown, and move your attention toward the present, where your light, concentration, awareness is needed, then win or lose you’ll grow. Maybe a degree in this or that, who knows, but there is Jess the whole time, blossoming, beautiful.

And yes, I speak from experience. 🙂 I still feel some shades of fear when I post, like a little nagging chirp in my brain. “Saying too much? Not enough? Aiming right? Helping? Hurting? Ahhhh!”. One of my friends helped me see this same basic healing path. Yeah, unknown, void, and we crash our light against it with our best intentions and focus, and let blossom what might. That’s all we can do! And, when we focus that light on kind actions, we become happy come flourish or wither. Nature being natural.

Also, if you’re in a crunch time, and find your mind cycling away from your studies, consider a little metta work. Even a few moments breathing, “may my mother and father feel warm, loved, known, happy. May my brothers, sisters, dogs, trees…” etc, etc. Kindness soothes a spinning mind like a balm, and as we breathe in the wind in such ways, it passes through, and we’re reminded of our own strength, our own unique beauty that forges bravely into the world to bring some light and grow some food. Then, comparison just doesn’t come up, there’s too much inquisitiveness to bother.

With warmth,
Matt

Moongal, I am running a little behind in reading your post. But as I was reading it I had a tiny smile on my face, knowing that as humans even though we are so unique in our own kind we have so much in common. Especially our everyday struggles. You mentioned comparing yourself to others and feeling uncertain at times. I am in the same boat. I was also looking into post graduate school but this overlying feeling of uncertainty and lack of stability in my life and career often fills me with feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. But overtime, I did realize that comparing myself to others and having too many ” I should be ” statements and self talk really did create a lot of unhappiness and restlessness.

Off course as human beings we look for stability in our lives. But uncertainty has it’s own beauty in itself and more often you will find what is uncertain now will unfold for the better in due time and you will have a clear perspective
( see you did get your first acceptance letter, I am sure there are lots more to come). For the longest time, I almost had a need to know things with greater certainty, momentary doubts created nothing but fear. But I have realized that everyone makes their own discoveries in their own time. Not allowing yourself this time and to always run with the crowd is not only exhausting but counter productive.
Funny that Matt mentioned OSho, I was recently reading one of his books and your post resonated with it. The moment we are living in tomorrow we are living a half hearted today. Plus our tomorrow which seems so uncertain is born out of today. So if you let the impatience just pass by as it enters your mind and body, it will slowly pass by without causing too much disturbance . All you have to do is just wait and watch it like an observer . Accept it’s presence and send it on its way, allowing it to take it’s own course. Do check our Brene Browm’ s “Whole Hearted Living” She goes over very similar concepts in much detail and precision . You sound like a bright and compassionate soul and I am positive that everything will work out and in time you will have a clear vision. If it is taking long, ItS OKAY 🙂 you are going to be just fine and make it out much stronger.

– Zita

• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Zita.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Zita.