Currently I’m a senior in college double majoring in computer engineering and applied math, but I’m slowly finding out that I really don’t want to do either of them for a living. My grades are at the top of my class, so that’s not the issue here, I tend to be good at anything I (feel forced) to put my mind to. I like engineering, but I can’t handle the fustration (especially after my senior design project). I would say my distaste for it began last summer when I had an awful internship experience at a certain fourtune 500 company. I guess that’s when I realized that industry is nothing like what we learn in school, it’s much less hands on and to be honest, I don’t want to sit at a desk all day in front of a computer., I’d much rather be outside.

With that said, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I feel like I wasted 4 years, but I would say that I feel like they could have been better spent. I don’t know, I guess I’m not really in-sync with the notion that a kid should be sent to college to figure out what he wants to do for the rest of his life in a contained environment with limited choices. I guess I’ve felt like college was more a necessary evil rather than a choice, it’s difficult to think otherwise at a young age when everybody from your parents and teachers to your friends and peers expect you to attend. I’m sick of the rat maze of modern society. The rules are a s follows: Go to school, go to college and figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life. Then get a desk job you hate and do that until you’re too old. In the meantime, buy a lot of stuff. Then try to enjoy what you’ve got left and hope you’re physically capable to do the stuff you missed out on while you were working.

The other thing is, lately I’ve developed this distatse for technology; sometimes I wish I were living among the Amish or in a cabin on Walden Pond like Thoreau. I had a smartphone for 4 years and I really saw no benefit to having one, so I went back to my old clamshell dumbphone. I really can’t stand how people are glued to their screens and always connected these days (myself included, though involuntarilly). The thing that disgusts me even more is that I will be helping make this stuff if I use my degree and it’s something I want no part of anymore. I almost feel oike the devil, making temptations for people. I’d rather be a farmer and produce food, something we actually need to survive. We don’t need cellphones, Smart TV’s. tablet computers, etc. But you can’t be a farmer anymore, it’s unprofitable and being exported overseas like everything else. And don’t try growing organic crops or you’ll get sued by Monsanto when their corn crosspolinates with yours.

There’s just something inside me that just screming “slow down and smell the roses,” but everything in this world is so fast-paced that I can’t just stop on a dime, especially when I’m surrounded by people going just as fast or faster. Lately I’ve been thinking of just driving out to the end of one of the forks (I live on Long Island, NY) to figure out life free of distraction, but God forbid I don’t have my cellphone, my parents and everyone else would panic if I’m gone for more than 3 hours (it takes about an hour and a half in driving one way). I’ve also considered going on a retreat at a monestary for a few days to help me get back to my Catholic roots. Most of the time I just want to pack up and go out for adventure like Chris McCandles, I did a book report on “Into The Wild” as a freshman in high school and I’ve been fascinated by his story ever since. I’m sick of people and the government telling me what I can and cannot do and what I’m expected to do. They want me to pay into social security; I’ll never see that money again. Tax dollars are wasted by pigs in Washington. Man should not have juristiction over how another man chooses to live his life so long as he is not harming anybody else in the process. “Do unto others as you would want done unto you,” Jesus used this to summarize all law, we shouldn’t need any more in my opinion.

Sorry if this is kind of jumbled, I just kind of needed to bleed my feelings onto a page, whether or not the make sense.