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Seeing my ex-wife for the first time in years

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  • May 10, 2014 at 7:03 pm #56089
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi all,

    My ex-wife decided we needed to split up years ago. I tried but could not convince her to try and stay together. She did some mean stuff to get me to leave.
    Now after years, we’ll be at our daughter’s graduation next week. My ex and I have been good talking by phone for about the last year, mostly talking about our kids.
    I’m looking forward to seeing her. I am torn over what to say or do. I’m thinking that no matter what I feel when I see my ex-wife, it would be selfish for me to express anything showing interest – like romantic. It could mess up the event.
    But I only get to visit out their way every year or so. What if I do have those feelings for her? Should I just contain it and see what she says?
    How do I get ready and handle this important event without letting my emotions take over, if they do arise?

    Big blue

    May 10, 2014 at 9:55 pm #56092
    Matt
    Participant

    Big blue,

    Consider keeping your attention on your daughter, after all it is her huzzah. Yes, you have attachments, hopes, dreams, but that is a poor venue for such things. Much like you wouldn’t take that engaging book you’ve been reading and pull it out during her party, consider shelving your romantic notions.

    Of course, they’ll come up, much like you might “think” about the plot of that book… but undoubtedly let it go to keep your heartfelt affections aimed at your daughter’s accomplishment. Namaste.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    May 11, 2014 at 8:29 am #56097
    Big blue
    Participant

    Matt,

    Thanks Very much for your thoughtful reply.

    I really get your book analogy. It’s a great way to think of and act on a boundary.

    I’ll keep that book closed and let it open or stay closed on some later date.

    By the way, I have put my palms together toward people before with a small bow that I’ve seen before, but I didn’t know it is called namaste. I just looked it up.

    Namaste.

    Big blue

    May 12, 2014 at 10:43 am #56153
    Amy
    Participant

    Big Blue,

    First of all, you have a big heart and generous spirit. I’ve seen you helping people all over these boards in the last few weeks. Second of all, she probably knows you’re still interested. Third, conduct yourself in a way that will make you proud and not regretful; if you can express love and kindness, do so. I wish you great energy in moving on if she’s still not interested.

    Amy

    May 12, 2014 at 5:52 pm #56186
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Amy,

    You have a nice way of helping. I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

    Yes she must know I have feelings of some kind for her.

    Pride is definitely what I’m feeling about my daughter, and the rest of us.

    I’m really looking forward to a celebration!

    Big blue

    .

    May 18, 2014 at 3:55 am #56469
    Big blue
    Participant

    Well so far so good. We are getting along. And no issues. No sparks either. Had a celebration dinner last night. Graduation ceremony today. Thanks everyone for your advice!

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