Thank you for your kind reply.

I am trying to just “be” with it, but it pervades everything I do at the moment. I have always worked incredibly hard and fear failure and being reprimanded. I feel that taking time for myself takes valuable time away from work and I find it difficult to get back into that mind set after “me time” (which isn’t normally that relaxing because my brain is either in the past or the future).

I do like the idea of getting rid of “should”; it is definitely an issue for me. I do find my anxiety paralysing at times and I find that my attempts to sit with it often make it worse. However, so do ‘distraction’ tasks such as Facebook or going for a walk. I’m now regularly consulting Tiny Buddha for advice.

It’s like I have all the pieces but I can’t get them to fit; I recently finished a course of CBT which helped me to see where I was going wrong. I think I’m addicted to this kind of feeling; as horrible as it is to wake up with the niggles in my chest and crushing self-doubt, it seems to have set up residence and is now more of a keystone than a guest outstaying its welcome.

I have read so many things and various things “speak” to me but I can’t seem to find that inner resolve or strength or whatever it is. All I know is that I am not living and it is not healthy.