Hi! Forgive me if my english has grammar errors, I am Asian. Pls take time to read. need ur help.

So I met this Guy a year ago on a Social Networking site, just arguing something on a comment box and we became friends on facebook. At first, nothing really is special about him. Until such time I discovered that he was such a wonderful guy, very talented and intelligent and kind. We’ve became friends personally, we meet oftentimes because he was just nearby as a temporary residence because we attend at the same university. I really like him but only want him as a Friend. Until we’ve became close friends. He was a guys I believe to be fully devoted to his Girlfriend because of all that Poems he wrote and Songs he composed just for his GIRLFRIEND. So I know there’s no way I’m going to fall in love to this Guy but he was just amazing so I wanted him to be just friend and JUST FRIEND and I’m so happy he accepted my friendship. I know my place, I was just a friend of course. But because of his wonderfulness, I can’t help but wanting his company more. So I meet his Girlfriend and we hang out sometimes and etc.. we had lots of wonderful moments, sometimes together, sometimes w/ his friends nd GF.

So I think this was a mistake. I wasn’t aware that something happened between us. I know we’re just friends but our meeting, talking and texting etc. is something not for “just Friends”. He confessed suddenly that he was into me. I was shock and confused and don’t know what to do. He still have her girlfriend and I know he love her very much and I don’t want to ruin their relationship. So I avoided him , cutting all connections and etc. until he made efforts to contact me and say “Sorry and he want me back as a Friend and “Just Friends””. And that was a deal we happily made. We promised together that we we’re just friends and what we have is FRIENDSHIP and we’ll never confused it as RELATIONSHIP. So since that day. I don’t take much of his time. Because he better spend time himself w/ his Girlfriend. And everythings back to normal but not the usual. He still as amazing as he is.

But then, What I thought is over is not over yet. He again, confessed one night that he LOVES me and he was sorry and explained to me that he can love two person at the same time and that her Girlfriend knew but OK as long as she’s his Girlfriend. So I got angry! How could he love two at the same time?! I can’t believe it. and what ? No way I’m going to be a mistress. So I insulted him saying I don’t even love him! excuse me!? and again, cut all connections from him. I really don’t know that I have feelings for him. Weeks later, I missed him (but I know AS A FRIEND) So I take my turn to say SORRY and explained to him that I don’t LOVE him that I only want him as a Friend and that Friendship is the best of all I have. And he gave me a chance and he was sorry and he says that we can be more than just friend but less than a lover and that is special already.

One day, he came to me so Down and telling me he just broke up w/ her Girlfriend. I don’t know really about her girlfriend but he told me her girlfriend doesn’t love him really and I agree somehow because I realize that her girlfriend care less about him and I have a feeling she just take him for granted. And I was sorry and trying my best to comfort him but I know he’s expecting something but I don’t really know or sure of what feelings I have towards him if maybe I can be his girlfriend. But what is clear is that I love him but as “Just Friends” really. So I told him that we’re Friends and that I am always there for him. I know he’s disappointed and days later, he talk to me and that was out of the blue. He told me that he was tired of waiting and cursed that FRIEND-ZONED and he want me badly as his Lover because he Loves me very much and that he know I have feeling for him but I rejected him telling him don’t wait because I really don’t LOVE him that I treasure our FRIENDSHIP and it’s special for me than relationship but he keep insisting that he loves me that I LOVE him too. and again I insulted him saying “THIS IS A MISTAKE! I SHOULD HAVE NOT KNOWN YOU, MEET YOU” and he agreed saying “You’re right” and it Hurts something inside me and he left.

And that was my BIGGEST REGRETS. I realized I LOVE HIM and I want him back, wanted to say SORRY I was just being Thick-headed and wanted to say I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM and I LOVE HIM.. But I learned he just dropped out in our University and went back to their home far away. I asked his boardmates friends but no one wants to say. They are angry at me of what I have done to him because he was kind and doesn’t deserve all the Pain I caused him. I went to their department to find any infos of him but his young adviser don’t want to help either as he requested to hide any info about him and because she knows the reason of his dropping out. He deleted his Facebook and don’t know where to find him and how to contact him. It’s almost 1 month now and still don’t know where he is. So I keep crying everynight not knowing what to do. I want to stop regretting and accept I lost him and forgive myself and move on but it doesn’t work. It badly affected my study. It’s so hard for me to move on because I know he didn’t do any bad about us. It’s just me.. It’s me who destroyed it. now I just don’t know what to do. I can’t again demand for help of his boardmates because I was too embarrassed of what I have done. Pls help what should I do.