I, for some reason, wouldn’t like to say I struggle at the moment. I like In a nice middle-class with my boyfriend and his family. They are vey generous and help me as much as they can with any life decision, financially and sometimes even emotionally.

My struggle started when I was 3-4yrs, I was sexually abused. I dealt with it by bottling it up for around 12-13 years, until my sister told the family it had happened to her. She did not know it had happened to me and my other sister. Non of us knew what had happened to the other siblings. Thus, as you can imagine, the poo hit the fan and our family fundamentally fell apart. I had counselling, battled a eating disorder and depression for about 2 years. The counselling was brilliant and I came on heaps and bounds… after all life is amazing, you can’t be too sad for too long!

However, now and again I get really low, my fitness regime goes out of the window and I put on weight. My struggle is to fight this. I also have an odd attitude to sex. I am particular about when I want to do It and when I’m don’t want to. This tends to co-inside with my mood highs and lows mentioned before. My boyfriend shuns me when I do not want to have sex, he makes me feel bad about not wanting to, or not wanting to put on a show for him. I can kind of understand, as who wants a gf to be like that? it’s not ideal. Thus, I wish I was more free from this. I wish I liked it as much as other do.

To add to the basket I am also at a crossroads in my life. I’m not sure what I want to do now as the things I wanted to do, I did not qualify for. This makes me feel stressed, no good enough and a failure.

I’m not sure how to make myself feel better, and I feel silly and selfish as I’m not happy, yet I have a lovely lifestyle.