Hiya,

well, first of all, you sound like were head of heels for this girl. There is no girl in this entire world which wouldn’t want to be described like the girl you have.

The one thing that resonates through your post is that for things to grow you have to give them space… like a plant. Things can’t grown if they’re being squeezed, pressured and cornered. Thus, I would say to maybe let her be more free, both of you need to be more independent. This is no bad reflection you. It is a great thing that you know who you are what your traits are. She has been around all this time, why not talk to her about your feelings and try to find yourself and grow together as a couple? She may well support you as you try to deal with your anxiety, after all she must feel strongly about you to still be there.

I’m really sorry if I sound harsh. A few years ago I dated a guy with OCD. I didn’t know he had it, but after a few months he become fixated on me. We got along really well, but I felt trapped. Sadly, because he got too fixated, we broke up. But, after a year or so of counselling and mediation we become friends again. He’s a really great guy and we talk a lot still although we’re not together. I would never hold the way he acted towards me against him. He was in a different place back then and he had a journey to go on. We all need to do some self development at some point… maybe it is time that you let go so you can deal with yourself. If she is strong enough and cares enough, she will still be there… and if she’s not, you will then have yourself back. The true happy you. After all… sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.

Take care and look after yourself.

I, for some reason, wouldn’t like to say I struggle at the moment. I like In a nice middle-class with my boyfriend and his family. They are vey generous and help me as much as they can with any life decision, financially and sometimes even emotionally.

My struggle started when I was 3-4yrs, I was sexually abused. I dealt with it by bottling it up for around 12-13 years, until my sister told the family it had happened to her. She did not know it had happened to me and my other sister. Non of us knew what had happened to the other siblings. Thus, as you can imagine, the poo hit the fan and our family fundamentally fell apart. I had counselling, battled a eating disorder and depression for about 2 years. The counselling was brilliant and I came on heaps and bounds… after all life is amazing, you can’t be too sad for too long!

However, now and again I get really low, my fitness regime goes out of the window and I put on weight. My struggle is to fight this. I also have an odd attitude to sex. I am particular about when I want to do It and when I’m don’t want to. This tends to co-inside with my mood highs and lows mentioned before. My boyfriend shuns me when I do not want to have sex, he makes me feel bad about not wanting to, or not wanting to put on a show for him. I can kind of understand, as who wants a gf to be like that? it’s not ideal. Thus, I wish I was more free from this. I wish I liked it as much as other do.

To add to the basket I am also at a crossroads in my life. I’m not sure what I want to do now as the things I wanted to do, I did not qualify for. This makes me feel stressed, no good enough and a failure.

I’m not sure how to make myself feel better, and I feel silly and selfish as I’m not happy, yet I have a lovely lifestyle.