Hello Tulips8,

It’s important for you to know that early sobriety is hell for all recovering addicts, so you’re not alone. When we stop using, we have taken away our maladaptive coping mechanism but the underlying problems are still there. You may have been told by your sponsor or others in the fellowship that when you are in recovery, major life changes relating to career, housing, large purchases, intimate relationships, etc. should be avoided for a period of time (2 years is typical) because they can add stress and became sources of triggers. Obviously, some of the changes you’re undergoing cannot be avoided, so you will just have to be mindful of the added pressure and work your recovery accordingly.

Feeling like our family and loved ones don’t understand what we’re struggling with is also common. It would be helpful for them to attend Al-anon or other support groups, but we can’t force them nor is it a guarantee that they would become empathetic. Understanding my addiction or yours is not their responsibility. That’s why the fellowship is so important.

You mentioned that problems surface when you miss meetings, so it’s obvious that you need to be proactive and not just attend meetings when you feel bad or think you need them.

I encourage you to consider having more than one sponsor, perform service in or outside of the program, and regard your attendance at meetings the same as taking life-saving medication. You wouldn’t skip the latter, so the same should hold true for the former. Another suggestion is to work with a psychotherapist who specializes in treating addiction. Exploring residential treatment programs would be advised as well. You need to firmly believe that you deserve recovery. I hope you have hit your bottom and wish you peace and serenity.

Bill