Hi Sarah,

It sounds like you are physically or emotionally way too close to that side of the family. They are shattered. So you enmeshed into their drama. Is Niece #1 the oldest? Bradshaw has child #1 represent the father, #2 the mother, #3 the marriage and #4 the family. It would be interesting to see what all the family members are.

You know that it’s not the teenager, that it is the surroundings, right? Once she’s in college, out of the house, or in her 20s you should see a dramatic change in her.

From her side shes’ thinking “My whole family is messed up, and I will have to set boundaries with my crazy aunt.” That is good news! She is learning to set boundaries (even with you).

If you want to help, take the little sister away for a holiday, weekend, etc.

You are also viewing her through a horrible lens. She knows how you see her. As she grows up, it will be harder to shed those traits if she thinks someone is always seeing her that way. That is why she doesn’t want contact with you and will “think about it”. That’s what that means.

There aren’t terribly great articles out there, they seem to rehash what the other ones have said.

Other thoughts: What one sibling is, the other is not (typical) and that you are not the parent, so send Light and take the younger one away when you can as often as you can. Keep those outings fun.

Good Luck!