Barbs,

You made it all about you. Cats will be cats, birds will be birds, chefs will be chefs. You didn’t kill the bird, or the relationship. You’re part of something much greater, one small piece. His actions helped it break down. The cat is a hunter. Let it go. “Not mine.”

When you find yourself in panic states like that, consider doing some counting breath meditation. Brain and emotions in hyperdrive? Aim that engine in a circle, and the mind gets bored, focused. “Ajahn Jayasaro counting breaths” on YouTube, if interested.

Also, remember to be gentle with yourself. As a recovering codependent, your self esteem is understandably shaky. Too often, you take such a harsh tone with yourself, which is wholly unneeded! Always a new lesson, a new day, new birth. What did you learn?

Not “Barb is this,barb does that”, but “what made barb happy? What rekindles her light? What heals her tender heart?”. When we just accept that our past is a yin/yang smart/dumb mess of a thing, we can sit down, breathe, and try to grow our wings.

Consider, you’re free. No one controls you, no one defines you. Its OK to be yourself. You’re beautiful! Its a journey of discovery, dear sister, and it starts with your desires… what do you like? What makes you happy? Do that! It refuels us, and when we’re peaceful, open again, we can look back and figure it out without the lamentation. Without pity, without”poor, poor barbs”, just “OK,what the heck happened?”. If your body is full of grief though, set down the puzzle, forgive yourself, and hit the tub, walk in nature, cultivate metta, whatever. Be nurturing.

Our wings are fragile, sis. The whispers of heart are heard in a quiet space, with mind peaceful, and smooth. We have to have patience, breathing, and space, especially in troubled times.

With warmth,
Matt