Hi Allison,

It is often the case in life that we outgrow our friends, particularly if you’re the sort of person who seeks to develop themselves (since you’re on this blog I take it that you are such a person). I’ve read how certain people will not like the fact you may be growing because it doesn’t suit them. It is important to let go of such people, otherwise they will hold you back.

Think about it, why would you want to spend any time around someone who doesn’t really respect or care about you? I remember my friend telling me when I asked him how he became such a confident person, that he found friends who made him feel good just being around them. The right friends will empower you and support your growth.

Yes, if you’re lucky enough you may have a few long term friends that you always stay connected to, but I’ve personally found that pretty much all of my friends have changed over time, and to me this only makes sense. We grow, we change, surely it’s only natural that this will mean friends too? I remember talking to an old female friend of the family who is a real woman of the world who seemed to agree with this idea of letting go of the past, which often includes things assocated with that past such as friends and associations.

On a last note, let go of the idea that you need to have a ‘long term’ friend, I think that’s an attachment that will hold you back. Forget what you think most people have, that doesn’t matter. Also, don’t even waste your energy thinking about what others may think or say, none of this matters!

What will I do about the people who will think that I cant keep any friends? Nothing, you don’t control other people, they will think what they want to think. Those who are worth knowing are the ones who won’t think badly of you. What if she spreads all of my secrets and goes around and tells everyone we grew up with things about me? Again, nothing. The simple logic is, you don’t control others so there’s no point wasting your energy worrying about such things. Most things we worry about never happen anyway. And if they do, then you’ll just deal with it, it won’t kill you.

Good luck,

Ben.