Two things:

1. Your friend either a) never liked your fiancé, b) is jealous that you’re marrying first or c) she was with him at some point (!!!) Yeah, one of my friends got very luke-warm very fast when I became engaged. It was a bummer. Some people are like that when it comes to buying a house/promotions/weddings/pregnancies.

2. Keeping Friends ~ Some “years” or “classes” in school bond for life. It’s the weirdest thing. When you’re older you look at these people and sometimes think “Unhealthy”. Most people, believe it or not, maybe have one (1!!) bosom-friend from school left by the time they’re 40. (And no, FaceBook doesn’t count LOL). In your 20s everyone is starting their life. 30s, everyone is into their family/careers. If you can hold onto a friend for more than a decade, that is a triumph.

At your wedding NO ONE will think about “Where are all her oodles of friends?” They will be thinking, “The bride is beautiful”, “Which table am I sitting at?” “Where’s the reception?” “We’re so lucky we found parking!”

Your friend herself? She has to get over this. Her other friends will be getting married and then having babies too. She can’t be mad at the world.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Inky.

Hi Allison,

It is often the case in life that we outgrow our friends, particularly if you’re the sort of person who seeks to develop themselves (since you’re on this blog I take it that you are such a person). I’ve read how certain people will not like the fact you may be growing because it doesn’t suit them. It is important to let go of such people, otherwise they will hold you back.

Think about it, why would you want to spend any time around someone who doesn’t really respect or care about you? I remember my friend telling me when I asked him how he became such a confident person, that he found friends who made him feel good just being around them. The right friends will empower you and support your growth.

Yes, if you’re lucky enough you may have a few long term friends that you always stay connected to, but I’ve personally found that pretty much all of my friends have changed over time, and to me this only makes sense. We grow, we change, surely it’s only natural that this will mean friends too? I remember talking to an old female friend of the family who is a real woman of the world who seemed to agree with this idea of letting go of the past, which often includes things assocated with that past such as friends and associations.

On a last note, let go of the idea that you need to have a ‘long term’ friend, I think that’s an attachment that will hold you back. Forget what you think most people have, that doesn’t matter. Also, don’t even waste your energy thinking about what others may think or say, none of this matters!

What will I do about the people who will think that I cant keep any friends? Nothing, you don’t control other people, they will think what they want to think. Those who are worth knowing are the ones who won’t think badly of you. What if she spreads all of my secrets and goes around and tells everyone we grew up with things about me? Again, nothing. The simple logic is, you don’t control others so there’s no point wasting your energy worrying about such things. Most things we worry about never happen anyway. And if they do, then you’ll just deal with it, it won’t kill you.

Good luck,

Ben.

People who you thought of as a ‘good friend’ very often show their true colors when you may need them the most and they turn their backs on you. Unfortunately this does happen, but my reaction to this only complicated the problem. I would pile all the blame on myself and not face the truth for what it is. I know have a select number of true friends and I can count them on the fingers of both hands. Rain, shine, snow or a massive problem these eight friends WILL be there within minutes to help me.

If your friends do not measure up to your level of expectations, them dump them immediately. You will be doing yourself a favor when you do. Going into business without knowing who you can trust is tough, deceit, fraud pop their heads up if given the opportunity to do so. The friends you keep are a reflection of YOU, some people will only look at your friends and judge you accordingly.

Got real tired of basing my performance upon the ‘appreciation or approval of others’. To be quite honest, candid pats on the back and cold fish hand shakes do not motivate me. I would much rather have an honest somewhat silent person on my team, we can connect on a greater level of acheivement. Walk in peace.